This time of year is quite interesting for most Gator fans as it is filled with so much love during Thanksgiving and then so much hate and rage for the FSU game. This blog will express both sides of that coin and obviously because this is FSU, the hate should probably overshadow the love.
What am I thankful for? I’m thankful that FSU lost to USF earlier this season. I’m thankful for Eric Rhett, the most underrated Gator in our school’s history. I’m thankful for the cornucopia of sorority butt cleavage always on display at the early season home games. I’m thankful for Andrew Declercq; I’m not thankful for Lon Kruger who seemingly wanted to make the Gators his stepping stone. I am thankful he’s gone however. I’m thankful my wife has a healthy crush on Riley Cooper. Who am I fooling? I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and realized my hair was growing out and was looking close to what Riley unveils every time he takes his helmet off. Am I subconsciously trying to be Riley? I’ve already decided to get my hair cut ASAP and I have already laid the ground rules with my wife that there will be no Riley-role-play. My terms for any sort of Florida Gator Wide Receiver role play would include playing the role of a consistent player. If I’m going down this role-play path, my wife will learn the hard way what happens when she tries to steal Jabar Gaffney’s scooter.
On the topic of white receivers, I’m thankful that my dad is always so hyper-critical of the white wide receivers for the Gators. I don’t know why; I figure he’d be proud of the guys but in the 90’s any time Travis McGriff caught a pass he was like, “Eh, whatever, lucky catch.” Cooper gets the same treatment. I guess in his eyes it’s like a white guy trying to do James Brown’s routine at the Apollo. I’m not sure if this is racist or not but I’m thankful for it. I’m thankful for “coach-in-waiting” scenarios. I’m thankful for the rich tradition and legacy of the Intercontinental Championship. This stepping stone to the heavyweight championship has held the company of such greats as: Rick Rude, Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, HHH and The Mountie. 
I’m thankful for soft-core porn. If I were to make a movie of this Thanksgiving weekend/Florida FSU game I’d call it Butt Stuffing. It’ll be the hottest Thanksgiving/Football rental since 1993’s all male “Cowboy Rodeo 6: Troy’s Revenge.”
FSU, I really hate you in a way that is not healthy. I hate your fans, I hate your team, and not to sound too much like Ugly Kid Joe, but I hate everything about you. I remember when I was like 7 and my uncle was trying to tell me why the Seminoles were better than the Gators. He told me, “Well, Seminoles kill alligators with their spears and eat them with their tribe.” If I’m going with a metaphor to relate to football success, especially recently, I’m going with, “The Seminole, too drunk to now paddle his canoe due to a long and rich tradition with cheap alcohol (or demons if you prefer) lost his balance in waters he had no business being in, fell in and then became dinner for a 6-foot alligator.”
FSU, you are pathetic. In this rivalry, I know I’m on the right side. I know that there is no way that being an FSU fan can be a good thing. At heart, all FSU fans know the same thing. There is no argument in any department. Shall we go the academic route? Shall we go the tradition route? Dare I ask to go down the current success route.
Lets go down the fan loyalty route. I saw parts of the Maryland game; did your fans even realize that it was possibly Bowden’s last home game? The upper deck was teeming with empty seats. This was the game to make your team bowl eligible and you couldn’t fill seats. You had on your cute special edition jerseys and that couldn’t bring your fans out. Unload your entire coaching staff, FSU. Beg Marc Richt and call it a day. This is your answer but of course you’ve hitched your wagon to a guy named Jimbo. Did you not even look at the top of this guy’s resume? His name is Jimbo. Jimbo. Not Jumbo which of course would be a great nickname if you were well-endowed in high school but it’s not Jumbo, it’s Jimbo. Jumbo of course could intimidate opposing teams by wearing tight pants on game day but not Jimbo. At least hire a guy with an awesome nickname, like “Axe,” “Smash,” “Animal,” “Hawk,” or “The Repo Man.”
I hate you for several reasons. I feel that your 90’s “success” was built on only having two legitimate games each year with Florida and Miami. You were well equipped for both of those games each year and it’s not really hard to figure out why you had all of those top five finishes. Your 90’s success is like Boise State’s current success. I hope I’ve pissed you off now but you know it’s true. The ACC is still a joke but the field has caught up and Marc Richt is now at UGA. Obviously your 93 title is not legitimate and to be quite honest, had you played a real schedule in 99 you’d probably only have that 93 asterisks ridden banner up at Joke Campbell. There’s a reason your team lost 3 national title games in convincing fashion; because you weren’t really that good.
The only Seminole who carries a legit championship from the 90’s is Ron Simmons, after defeating Vader in 1992 for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. For the record, it’d be really funny if FSU recognized that championship and put up a sign in the stadium commemorating it.
What should you expect in the Swamp tomorrow? Expect an ass beating, FSU. Expect to think you’ve lost the game before kickoff. Expect to be humiliated. Expect John Brantley to outperform your starting QB in mop-up duty. Expect E.J. to throw several interceptions and expect to hear “3 and out” on all of your first half drives. Expect to see several 100 yard rushers cut through your “defense.” Expect to take some of the sod from our field to take home and create a new sod cemetery, one reserved for embarrassing road losses. Expect the usual.
I love that the Gators are trying to make it 6 in a row against FSU and even though I am confident, I always get so nervous for this game. Why wouldn’t I be? If FSU somehow pulls off a miracle, we’d have the worst loss in Gator history on our hands. I don’t know what I’d feel. It’d be humiliating. I expect FSU to be motivated but then again, the Gators have been motivated for this game every year under Meyer. This is their rivalry despite what UGA thinks. Tim Tebow grew up with this rivalry; our hatred for FSU is not lost on him. Our team realizes the implications and they’ll be ready. I also feel that FSU has yet to play a legitimate defense this season and thus I’m predicting the following score.
Game Prediction: Florida 41 FSU 0
Random Thoughts of the Week
Stereotypical pedophile attire = pleated khaki pants, tucked in polo or button down, zip up jacket, and white sneakers.
Stereotypical football coach attire = pleated khaki pants, tucked in polo or button down, zip up jacket, and white sneakers.
I think it’s time to change the fashion in college football.
Also, if Texas loses the big 12 game, and the UF/Bama game is close, there will be an SEC title rematch for the national title. Sorry, TCU, Boise and Cincinnati but the voters will not allow you in.
Must Watch Web
SNL is hitting stride and I feel that Kenan Thompson is becoming their star. 2 awesome sketches with Keenan from this week’s show:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/what-up-with-that/1178425/
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-two-worlds-collide-ft-reba-mcentire/1178383/
Fact of the Week
Bobby Bowden is 17-17 and 1 against the Florida Gators.
Urban Meyer is 4-0 against FSU.
Weekend Football Forecast
Alright, USC, I saved my pick for you last week and now I’m ready to drop it on you. I’m picking UCLA in your house. I don’t really care if you win or not but I’m still feeling you get way too much respect. You’ve been blown out twice and you’re still in the top 20. What’s really terrible is that no matter how you finish this year, you’ll start next season in the top 5 which makes me want to vomit.
Last week’s record: 6-4.
Cincinnati over Illinois, Bama over Auburn, West Virginia over Pitt, South Carolina over Clemson, Miss St. Over Ole Miss, Oklahoma over Oklahoma State, Miami over South Florida, Utah over BYU in Hitler’s Dream Match up, Arkansas over LSU, Kentucky over Tenn, Stanford over Notre Dame, Georgia over Georgia Tech
I’m rolling the dice big-time this weekend but I must say that this is one of the best weekends for college football in a long long time.
Season Record: 65-47
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: GT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: Oregon
BCS Buster: TCU
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when FSU claims that post-season losses don’t count when they end the season with a 6 and 7 record after a December bowl loss. Until next time.
The Voice of the Gators
What am I thankful for? I’m thankful that FSU lost to USF earlier this season. I’m thankful for Eric Rhett, the most underrated Gator in our school’s history. I’m thankful for the cornucopia of sorority butt cleavage always on display at the early season home games. I’m thankful for Andrew Declercq; I’m not thankful for Lon Kruger who seemingly wanted to make the Gators his stepping stone. I am thankful he’s gone however. I’m thankful my wife has a healthy crush on Riley Cooper. Who am I fooling? I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and realized my hair was growing out and was looking close to what Riley unveils every time he takes his helmet off. Am I subconsciously trying to be Riley? I’ve already decided to get my hair cut ASAP and I have already laid the ground rules with my wife that there will be no Riley-role-play. My terms for any sort of Florida Gator Wide Receiver role play would include playing the role of a consistent player. If I’m going down this role-play path, my wife will learn the hard way what happens when she tries to steal Jabar Gaffney’s scooter.
On the topic of white receivers, I’m thankful that my dad is always so hyper-critical of the white wide receivers for the Gators. I don’t know why; I figure he’d be proud of the guys but in the 90’s any time Travis McGriff caught a pass he was like, “Eh, whatever, lucky catch.” Cooper gets the same treatment. I guess in his eyes it’s like a white guy trying to do James Brown’s routine at the Apollo. I’m not sure if this is racist or not but I’m thankful for it. I’m thankful for “coach-in-waiting” scenarios. I’m thankful for the rich tradition and legacy of the Intercontinental Championship. This stepping stone to the heavyweight championship has held the company of such greats as: Rick Rude, Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, HHH and The Mountie. 
I’m thankful for soft-core porn. If I were to make a movie of this Thanksgiving weekend/Florida FSU game I’d call it Butt Stuffing. It’ll be the hottest Thanksgiving/Football rental since 1993’s all male “Cowboy Rodeo 6: Troy’s Revenge.”FSU, I really hate you in a way that is not healthy. I hate your fans, I hate your team, and not to sound too much like Ugly Kid Joe, but I hate everything about you. I remember when I was like 7 and my uncle was trying to tell me why the Seminoles were better than the Gators. He told me, “Well, Seminoles kill alligators with their spears and eat them with their tribe.” If I’m going with a metaphor to relate to football success, especially recently, I’m going with, “The Seminole, too drunk to now paddle his canoe due to a long and rich tradition with cheap alcohol (or demons if you prefer) lost his balance in waters he had no business being in, fell in and then became dinner for a 6-foot alligator.”
FSU, you are pathetic. In this rivalry, I know I’m on the right side. I know that there is no way that being an FSU fan can be a good thing. At heart, all FSU fans know the same thing. There is no argument in any department. Shall we go the academic route? Shall we go the tradition route? Dare I ask to go down the current success route.
Lets go down the fan loyalty route. I saw parts of the Maryland game; did your fans even realize that it was possibly Bowden’s last home game? The upper deck was teeming with empty seats. This was the game to make your team bowl eligible and you couldn’t fill seats. You had on your cute special edition jerseys and that couldn’t bring your fans out. Unload your entire coaching staff, FSU. Beg Marc Richt and call it a day. This is your answer but of course you’ve hitched your wagon to a guy named Jimbo. Did you not even look at the top of this guy’s resume? His name is Jimbo. Jimbo. Not Jumbo which of course would be a great nickname if you were well-endowed in high school but it’s not Jumbo, it’s Jimbo. Jumbo of course could intimidate opposing teams by wearing tight pants on game day but not Jimbo. At least hire a guy with an awesome nickname, like “Axe,” “Smash,” “Animal,” “Hawk,” or “The Repo Man.”
I hate you for several reasons. I feel that your 90’s “success” was built on only having two legitimate games each year with Florida and Miami. You were well equipped for both of those games each year and it’s not really hard to figure out why you had all of those top five finishes. Your 90’s success is like Boise State’s current success. I hope I’ve pissed you off now but you know it’s true. The ACC is still a joke but the field has caught up and Marc Richt is now at UGA. Obviously your 93 title is not legitimate and to be quite honest, had you played a real schedule in 99 you’d probably only have that 93 asterisks ridden banner up at Joke Campbell. There’s a reason your team lost 3 national title games in convincing fashion; because you weren’t really that good.
The only Seminole who carries a legit championship from the 90’s is Ron Simmons, after defeating Vader in 1992 for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. For the record, it’d be really funny if FSU recognized that championship and put up a sign in the stadium commemorating it.What should you expect in the Swamp tomorrow? Expect an ass beating, FSU. Expect to think you’ve lost the game before kickoff. Expect to be humiliated. Expect John Brantley to outperform your starting QB in mop-up duty. Expect E.J. to throw several interceptions and expect to hear “3 and out” on all of your first half drives. Expect to see several 100 yard rushers cut through your “defense.” Expect to take some of the sod from our field to take home and create a new sod cemetery, one reserved for embarrassing road losses. Expect the usual.
I love that the Gators are trying to make it 6 in a row against FSU and even though I am confident, I always get so nervous for this game. Why wouldn’t I be? If FSU somehow pulls off a miracle, we’d have the worst loss in Gator history on our hands. I don’t know what I’d feel. It’d be humiliating. I expect FSU to be motivated but then again, the Gators have been motivated for this game every year under Meyer. This is their rivalry despite what UGA thinks. Tim Tebow grew up with this rivalry; our hatred for FSU is not lost on him. Our team realizes the implications and they’ll be ready. I also feel that FSU has yet to play a legitimate defense this season and thus I’m predicting the following score.
Game Prediction: Florida 41 FSU 0
Random Thoughts of the Week
Stereotypical pedophile attire = pleated khaki pants, tucked in polo or button down, zip up jacket, and white sneakers.
Stereotypical football coach attire = pleated khaki pants, tucked in polo or button down, zip up jacket, and white sneakers.
I think it’s time to change the fashion in college football.
Also, if Texas loses the big 12 game, and the UF/Bama game is close, there will be an SEC title rematch for the national title. Sorry, TCU, Boise and Cincinnati but the voters will not allow you in.
Must Watch Web
SNL is hitting stride and I feel that Kenan Thompson is becoming their star. 2 awesome sketches with Keenan from this week’s show:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/what-up-with-that/1178425/
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/digital-short-two-worlds-collide-ft-reba-mcentire/1178383/
Fact of the Week
Bobby Bowden is 17-17 and 1 against the Florida Gators.
Urban Meyer is 4-0 against FSU.
Weekend Football Forecast
Alright, USC, I saved my pick for you last week and now I’m ready to drop it on you. I’m picking UCLA in your house. I don’t really care if you win or not but I’m still feeling you get way too much respect. You’ve been blown out twice and you’re still in the top 20. What’s really terrible is that no matter how you finish this year, you’ll start next season in the top 5 which makes me want to vomit.
Last week’s record: 6-4.
Cincinnati over Illinois, Bama over Auburn, West Virginia over Pitt, South Carolina over Clemson, Miss St. Over Ole Miss, Oklahoma over Oklahoma State, Miami over South Florida, Utah over BYU in Hitler’s Dream Match up, Arkansas over LSU, Kentucky over Tenn, Stanford over Notre Dame, Georgia over Georgia Tech
I’m rolling the dice big-time this weekend but I must say that this is one of the best weekends for college football in a long long time.
Season Record: 65-47
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: GT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: Oregon
BCS Buster: TCU
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when FSU claims that post-season losses don’t count when they end the season with a 6 and 7 record after a December bowl loss. Until next time.
The Voice of the Gators
The IC belt and "Butt Stuffing" in one article. If you would've had an abortion joke in there somehwere, I'd nominate this for best sports editorial of the year.
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