You might be asking yourself, "Why are there pictures of Hacksaw Jim 
I’ve had to mull over how I would approach the Bobby Bowden situation on this blog. For a brief second I was about to make it a bit of a tribute. I’d discuss the legacy of Bobby Bowden. This guy has a legacy right? Everyone seems to love him. Even some Gator fans will tell you that Bobby deserves all this praise and respect based on all the great things he’s done for college football. They talk about what he means to college football and how his greatness transcends the game. They say he’s a great coach but an even better man. What of the legacy you will leave behind, Bobby?
I piss on your legacy. I mock the idea that you mean something to college football. How convenient for the reporters to forget the sins of your past during your last ten years. You somehow even got a pass on the recent academic scandal. Of course you passed blame and washed your hands of it. You may be a good man but that doesn’t mean you haven’t knowingly bent, ignored, or broken the rules. Hey, a lot of people thought O.J. was a good man before he took a buck knife to Ron Goldman and turned his ex-wife into “Nearly Headless Nicole.”
You’ve obviously been embroiled with your fair share of scandals, but what I remember is how casually you could dismiss your players’ misconduct. When Steve Spurrier accused Darnell Dockett of intentionally hurting Earnest Graham, you turned it against Spurrier and claimed he was whining and making crazy allegations. “Typical Steve Spurrier.” It was completely dismissed and ignored. Here’s the footage of Dockett attempting to stomp on Rex Grossman’s hand during that same game. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSNKIzIATTg It’s not the best clip but if you watch it a few times, you can see that there’s clearly malicious intent. This was subtle but it’s how I will always remember you. Instead of actually owning up to something you or your player did, you found another person to blame. It’s like you always do at halftime of a game you are losing, you’ll blame it on your players. “Blocking and tackling.” Could the ass beating you took in the first half of the Florida game have anything to do with coaching? Could it have to do with your poor recruiting? Could it have to do with your selfishness in staying around 8 years too long? Has anything ever been your fault?
What will they say about the legacy of Bobby Bowden? You won a couple national
championships, great. You won a dozen or so ACC titles which roughly translates to 1.25 SEC championships. The media loves you; you give a good interview and so I guess all is forgiven. After all, you are Saint Bobby. Still before you go off into the sunset why don’t you own up to a few things instead of always basking in how beloved you are? Take responsibility for your wrongs for once and maybe then I won’t think you’re such a piece of shit.
Not done with you yet, Bobby B. How dare you request to play your final game in Florida? Are you serious? You could have had your final game in Florida 9 years ago when Oklahoma exposed you in the Orange Bowl. That would have been a good time to quit on a local note. It was, after all, the last time you had a team that actually achieved something. That game was an indicator of things to come and how you would run the program without Mark Richt. Your early season loss to USF in Tallahassee would have also been a nice time to say goodbye.
Why do you need to play your bowl in Florida? You had your final game in the state; it was against Maryland in Doak Campbell. Everyone could have known it was your final game in state (I did) if you wouldn’t have been so selfish; you couldn’t believe that you were going to lose your power until they laid it out for you in the meeting after the Gator game. You knew this was coming and you could have actually made your decision. Your ego let you think that this whole “being awful” thing could just keep on going because you’re a “legend.” “No way they’d actually do that to me.” They did and now you have to whine about not getting an in-state farewell. Why not ask to play in the Orange Bowl or in the National Championship game while you’re trying to take things you haven’t earned. You don’t get to call the shots on bowl games; it’s not like it’s your birthday when your mom asks you what kind of cake you want. There is nothing to celebrate here. You’ve been limping your way to this point and now you’re leaving on the University’s terms. Take what bowl you deserve and own up to what a 6 and 6 record is really worth.
Well, now that you got Bobby out of the way, FSU, we can talk about your new coach. What’s his name again? Jimblow? Congratulations! You promoted the offensive coordinator who couldn’t score any points on the Gators’ starting defense. Good move. I heard Kirk Herbstreit say that FSU is ready to win right now and that he thinks Jimbo will be able to do it. No he won’t. I don’t need to line up all the facts as to why Jimbo is the mental equivalent to Mallory’s boyfriend, Nick, on Family Ties, but I will make a few points. He’s already been running the show for three years and made final calls on all of your prized recruits. If you watched FSU line up against Florida, you know that talent and good coaching are two luxuries the Noles do not possess.
There is no real need to recap what happened in that game. We dominated as we all expected. Part of me is glad that Bobby didn’t announce his decision before now as our senior class got to enjoy the best sendoff in Gator history without distraction. That game would have been as much about Bowden as it was our seniors and Teebs if he had announced his retirement earlier.
What about those uniforms? I retract everything I said about them based on one poor quality web picture. I loved them. I demand that we have one game a year dedicated to a special edition uniform. Nike definitely got it right this time and it wasn’t like we were all saying, “what the hell are they wearing that for,” like we did with the storm trooper jerseys. I don’t want new uniforms for every game, just once a year. It should be a surprise when it happens with no advanced notice unlike the FSU game. It will be like Christmas morning on a fall Saturday. If some of my Jewish readers have trouble drawing up happy or emotional feelings with that Christmas simile then let’s just say will be like having your first child. You look into that child’s eyes with amazement and just think about the benefits of the tax exemptions you will receive from having dependents.
I love the early success of Billy D and the Gator basketball team. However it is still football season. During the Zook years, it would make me sick to hear the fair-weather fans talk about giving up on football for basketball. I’m a football fan first and until the SEC championship game is complete I will only briefly mention our team. It’s no surprise that we’re doing well. We finally have some size in the front court; remember, Billy’s two most successful teams were his only teams with actual size at the 4 and 5 spots. Macklin’s a beast, and Walker is the gutsiest point guard I’ve seen at UF in a long time.
Tiger Woods created some controversy this week as we all know and I’m not going to say a thing about it. I feel it’s not our business. These guys are human. So when a guy like Rick Pitino goes raw-dog with a woman who’s not his wife on a pool table in some bar after closing time, who am I to judge. Raw-dog is a slang reference for not using protection if you didn’t know. Let’s see how many references I can come up with for not using a condom. He was shooting webs without his Spiderman suit, he took a ride on his slip and slide, he did it Hacksaw Jim Duggan Style (that guy’s old school and there’s no way he uses a rubber even on the road, HEYO! Others who I assume fall into the Hacksaw category: Dolph Lungren, Frank Stallone, Rex Grossman, Ron Zook, and Christopher Lloyd.), he attended Magic Johnson’s coaching clinic, he’s like most teenagers attending inner city high schools, he made a mess without his lobster bib, he was being a good Catholic, and of course he fed the gremlin after midnight.
Honestly I could care less about Tiger Woods. He messed up and we all make mistakes. To be honest I respect Tiger for being his own person. I actually respected him for not giving an answer to the media initially about this whole ordeal. It’s not their business. I’ve respected him for quite sometime. Just because he is part African American, part Asian and probably a million other things, he’s never used race to define himself. He is his own person and he’s never felt obligated to act one way based on his “culture.” He keeps out of political issues which I love. Who is he to comment on politics or policy? He’s an athlete, not our president.
What’s this I hear about Mark Mangino being in hot water for mistreating his players at Kansas? I’m not going to research this story because this is Kansas we are talking about and it does not deserve even my minimal effort, so I don’t know specifically what he did. I’m surprised his players are upset at him at all. He’s got to be the coolest coach ever. You know he’s gotta be taking his players to Golden Corral after practices. If I knew an onomatopoeia for heavy breathing, I’d type it here.
I piss on your legacy. I mock the idea that you mean something to college football. How convenient for the reporters to forget the sins of your past during your last ten years. You somehow even got a pass on the recent academic scandal. Of course you passed blame and washed your hands of it. You may be a good man but that doesn’t mean you haven’t knowingly bent, ignored, or broken the rules. Hey, a lot of people thought O.J. was a good man before he took a buck knife to Ron Goldman and turned his ex-wife into “Nearly Headless Nicole.”
You’ve obviously been embroiled with your fair share of scandals, but what I remember is how casually you could dismiss your players’ misconduct. When Steve Spurrier accused Darnell Dockett of intentionally hurting Earnest Graham, you turned it against Spurrier and claimed he was whining and making crazy allegations. “Typical Steve Spurrier.” It was completely dismissed and ignored. Here’s the footage of Dockett attempting to stomp on Rex Grossman’s hand during that same game. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSNKIzIATTg It’s not the best clip but if you watch it a few times, you can see that there’s clearly malicious intent. This was subtle but it’s how I will always remember you. Instead of actually owning up to something you or your player did, you found another person to blame. It’s like you always do at halftime of a game you are losing, you’ll blame it on your players. “Blocking and tackling.” Could the ass beating you took in the first half of the Florida game have anything to do with coaching? Could it have to do with your poor recruiting? Could it have to do with your selfishness in staying around 8 years too long? Has anything ever been your fault?
What will they say about the legacy of Bobby Bowden? You won a couple national
championships, great. You won a dozen or so ACC titles which roughly translates to 1.25 SEC championships. The media loves you; you give a good interview and so I guess all is forgiven. After all, you are Saint Bobby. Still before you go off into the sunset why don’t you own up to a few things instead of always basking in how beloved you are? Take responsibility for your wrongs for once and maybe then I won’t think you’re such a piece of shit.Not done with you yet, Bobby B. How dare you request to play your final game in Florida? Are you serious? You could have had your final game in Florida 9 years ago when Oklahoma exposed you in the Orange Bowl. That would have been a good time to quit on a local note. It was, after all, the last time you had a team that actually achieved something. That game was an indicator of things to come and how you would run the program without Mark Richt. Your early season loss to USF in Tallahassee would have also been a nice time to say goodbye.
Why do you need to play your bowl in Florida? You had your final game in the state; it was against Maryland in Doak Campbell. Everyone could have known it was your final game in state (I did) if you wouldn’t have been so selfish; you couldn’t believe that you were going to lose your power until they laid it out for you in the meeting after the Gator game. You knew this was coming and you could have actually made your decision. Your ego let you think that this whole “being awful” thing could just keep on going because you’re a “legend.” “No way they’d actually do that to me.” They did and now you have to whine about not getting an in-state farewell. Why not ask to play in the Orange Bowl or in the National Championship game while you’re trying to take things you haven’t earned. You don’t get to call the shots on bowl games; it’s not like it’s your birthday when your mom asks you what kind of cake you want. There is nothing to celebrate here. You’ve been limping your way to this point and now you’re leaving on the University’s terms. Take what bowl you deserve and own up to what a 6 and 6 record is really worth.
Well, now that you got Bobby out of the way, FSU, we can talk about your new coach. What’s his name again? Jimblow? Congratulations! You promoted the offensive coordinator who couldn’t score any points on the Gators’ starting defense. Good move. I heard Kirk Herbstreit say that FSU is ready to win right now and that he thinks Jimbo will be able to do it. No he won’t. I don’t need to line up all the facts as to why Jimbo is the mental equivalent to Mallory’s boyfriend, Nick, on Family Ties, but I will make a few points. He’s already been running the show for three years and made final calls on all of your prized recruits. If you watched FSU line up against Florida, you know that talent and good coaching are two luxuries the Noles do not possess.
There is no real need to recap what happened in that game. We dominated as we all expected. Part of me is glad that Bobby didn’t announce his decision before now as our senior class got to enjoy the best sendoff in Gator history without distraction. That game would have been as much about Bowden as it was our seniors and Teebs if he had announced his retirement earlier.
What about those uniforms? I retract everything I said about them based on one poor quality web picture. I loved them. I demand that we have one game a year dedicated to a special edition uniform. Nike definitely got it right this time and it wasn’t like we were all saying, “what the hell are they wearing that for,” like we did with the storm trooper jerseys. I don’t want new uniforms for every game, just once a year. It should be a surprise when it happens with no advanced notice unlike the FSU game. It will be like Christmas morning on a fall Saturday. If some of my Jewish readers have trouble drawing up happy or emotional feelings with that Christmas simile then let’s just say will be like having your first child. You look into that child’s eyes with amazement and just think about the benefits of the tax exemptions you will receive from having dependents.
I love the early success of Billy D and the Gator basketball team. However it is still football season. During the Zook years, it would make me sick to hear the fair-weather fans talk about giving up on football for basketball. I’m a football fan first and until the SEC championship game is complete I will only briefly mention our team. It’s no surprise that we’re doing well. We finally have some size in the front court; remember, Billy’s two most successful teams were his only teams with actual size at the 4 and 5 spots. Macklin’s a beast, and Walker is the gutsiest point guard I’ve seen at UF in a long time.
Tiger Woods created some controversy this week as we all know and I’m not going to say a thing about it. I feel it’s not our business. These guys are human. So when a guy like Rick Pitino goes raw-dog with a woman who’s not his wife on a pool table in some bar after closing time, who am I to judge. Raw-dog is a slang reference for not using protection if you didn’t know. Let’s see how many references I can come up with for not using a condom. He was shooting webs without his Spiderman suit, he took a ride on his slip and slide, he did it Hacksaw Jim Duggan Style (that guy’s old school and there’s no way he uses a rubber even on the road, HEYO! Others who I assume fall into the Hacksaw category: Dolph Lungren, Frank Stallone, Rex Grossman, Ron Zook, and Christopher Lloyd.), he attended Magic Johnson’s coaching clinic, he’s like most teenagers attending inner city high schools, he made a mess without his lobster bib, he was being a good Catholic, and of course he fed the gremlin after midnight.
Honestly I could care less about Tiger Woods. He messed up and we all make mistakes. To be honest I respect Tiger for being his own person. I actually respected him for not giving an answer to the media initially about this whole ordeal. It’s not their business. I’ve respected him for quite sometime. Just because he is part African American, part Asian and probably a million other things, he’s never used race to define himself. He is his own person and he’s never felt obligated to act one way based on his “culture.” He keeps out of political issues which I love. Who is he to comment on politics or policy? He’s an athlete, not our president.
What’s this I hear about Mark Mangino being in hot water for mistreating his players at Kansas? I’m not going to research this story because this is Kansas we are talking about and it does not deserve even my minimal effort, so I don’t know specifically what he did. I’m surprised his players are upset at him at all. He’s got to be the coolest coach ever. You know he’s gotta be taking his players to Golden Corral after practices. If I knew an onomatopoeia for heavy breathing, I’d type it here. 
When did you become a Gator,
Christian Bale?
As I was at the game against FSU this weekend I was thinking how awesome it would be if Christian Bale was a Gator fan. Why did I think that? Well, maybe it happened when I taunted the FSU fans in my section by yelling, “Oh, good for you!” when they finally scored their first field goal. I want to see Christian Bale go on a rant at a Gator game. If I make a million dollars, I’m going to pay Christian Bale to go to the cocktail party with me to heckle Georgia fans. This is on my bucket list.
Finally I want to talk about our SEC championship game. I’ve heard nothing but how close this game is going to be. Why does it have to be close? Alabama has done everything they’ve needed to defeat inferior teams. They have not played a better team this year. The difference is at quarterback and we’ve got one and they don’t. We will shut down the run, we’ll score on our first few drives, and the game will be over. This is bold but I’ve visualized this game several times in my mind and I see it happening this way each time. We will make Alabama change their game plan early unlike last year. If we get up, we won’t lose the lead. I like the way our passing game looked against FSU and I see us continuing with that success with a surprisingly balanced attack in a (wait for it) easy win.
Game Prediction: Florida 31 Bama 13
Random Thought of the Week
I’m coining a term. Eating Disorder Neck (EDN): the noticeably thin neck of a woman with an eating disorder. Used in a sentence: Eating Disorder Neck became popular around the time Desperate Housewives premiered.
I’m coining another term: Eatingdisorderneckophile: someone who thinks EDN is hot. An eatingdisorderneckophile says what. What! Every morning when Sportscenter goes live with Hannah Storm! She’s definitely on my list along with the Chase Financial Credit Rewards MILF.
Must Watch Web
Hopefully the Florida/Alabama pre-game interviews with Coach Meyer and Saban match those of previous great athletic contests. Think of all the great interviews with Howard Cosell and Muhammad Ali. Sports used to be covered with such journalistic integrity and I hope the coverage before the SEC title game can match those of the past. Click below.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3zg5r_irs-natural-disasters-promo-lod-big_sport
SEC Championship Facts of the Week
The winner of this year’s SEC championship game will be the 10th winner of this game to move onto the championship game.
7 winners of this game have gone on to win the National Championship.
The Gators have the most SEC championship game appearances. Saturday marks their 10th. This is Bama’s 7th.
Florida’s SEC championship game record: 7-2. Alabama: 2-4.
Kentucky, Vandy, Ole Miss, and South Carolina are the only SEC teams to never participate in this game.
SEC East Teams are 11-6 against the SEC West in this game.
Weekend Football Forecast
Last week was my final slap in the face pick of this year. Pete Carroll, you impressed me, sir. I loved that you went deep after UCLA called timeouts while attempting to win the game. I’m all for what you did and I rescind my pick from last week as you showed me some balls. UCLA was trying to win that game so you had every right to put it out of reach once and for all. That’s what football is all about.
Last week’s record: 10-3. I was impressive last week. The only games I lost were OT games.
Oregon over Oregon State, Pittsburgh over Cincinatti in the “alright already, the Big East is garbage” game, Georgia Tech over Clemson, Nebraska over Texas (why not), and UCONN over USF.
Season Record: 75-50
Yes my picks have thrown a huge wrench into what is right with the world. If all goes as planned then you guessed it, Florida would play TCU in the BCS championship game. Let’s look at my BCS bowl predictions.
BCS: Florida vs. TCU
Rose: Oregon vs. Ohio State
Fiesta: Nebraska vs. Boise State
Sugar: Alabama vs. Texas
Orange: GT vs. Pittsburgh
After looking at these bowls I really hope I’m wrong about the upset picks this week. I’d much rather see Cincinnati get in and play Alabama and have TCU play someone like Boise. The dream title match-up is Florida vs. Texas (I’ll spare you the Wrestlemania VI reference) and that will probably happen, so here’s to hoping my picks are dead wrong. On a side note, if Cincy wins this weekend, the Rose Bowl should take them to play Ohio State in what would surely be the most embarrassing loss in Buckeye history.
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: GT
Big East: Pittsburgh*
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Nebraska*
Pac 10: Oregon
BCS Buster in a big way: TCU
* Changed pick since last week
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a consistent fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when FSU sells out a legendary coach’s final home game. Until next time.
The Voice of the Gators
At least you were right about one thing: it was an "easy win"...for Alabama...you fucking loser. You might need to update your Championship predictions. That is, of course, unless they give BCS championships to teams who finish second in their conference. Way to send off those seniors...I'm sure this is a season they'll never forget.
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