UF Football: 0 Arrests Since Tuesday

Our program is a train wreck. I honestly don’t care about the arrests. They’re a black mark and will hurt us with some recruits. Also I’d like to just say up front that I am a hypocrite and I will go off on another program’s sketch balls when they F up (see my Nu’Keese blog from last year). Expect me to turn the blind eye; it’s what Gators do. We take our cues from the top of the program, or at least that’s what the newspapers want you to think.
It’s no surprise these players are getting tossed in the slammer. These kids are commodities. They are worshipped by some, babied by many, and thus enabled. In their minds, they can do no wrong, and we deal with it. It’s the price we pay for the premier athlete with a premier ego. I’d like to say it hasn’t been awful under Urban. I could pretend there haven’t been guns, stalking, death threats, dead girl’s credit cards stolen, and a mixed race BJ video. But we have.
In writing this section I started thinking about legal nicknames for Urban. I thought about Urban of Mayberry, which doesn’t really fit but then I thought…they should make a movie for Andy Griffith. They need to amp it up like they do with every TV show turned movie. Honestly I hope they just keep the character names and then just go all Miami Vice with it. I want to see Opie get kidnapped, Aunt Bee naked, Goober kill someone while drunk driving, Floyd the barber slice someone’s throat with a shaving razor, Barney get investigated for embezzling and or having Babik-like material on his computer, and Andy blow some crack fiend’s head off because Ernest T Bass dared him to.
Despite our ugly tradition of breaking the law, we have legitimate college football traditions at UF. Mr. Two Bits, Gator Growl, We are the Boys, It’s Great to be a Florida Gator, The Cocktail Party etc. The tradition of Mr. Two Bits is great because a great man decided he wanted to support the Gators when no one else would. He didn’t just copy another school or an older tradition. He is an original, a Gator treasure. So if you are the parents of the kid who has been impersonating Mr. Two Bits in the stadium the past two seasons, listen up. Your kid isn’t Mr. Two Bits. Have him sit in his seat like the other kids who don’t actually know shit about the game or originality and leave the costume at home. I understand you probably thought it was so cute when he had the initiative to be Mr. Two Bits for Halloween last year. Great. You should have taken his picture and sent it to all of your other fat-women-friends at work and left it at that. You didn’t. Your son, like all of the other drunken frat assholes who have impersonated Mr. Two Bits is just that, an asshole. Next week when he comes around to my section, this Gator fan won’t be standing up and hollering, he’ll be throwing his Italian Ice. Note: If this kid has the express written consent of Mr. Two Bits, I take it all back, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Last week my wife finally read one of this season’s blogs. “You sound like a douche bag” she told me. She was specifically talking about my rant on America. Let me clarify, I love America but I hate PC America. Who is making all of these unspoken rules that in my opinion are softening the ideals that make America great? It’s the land of the free and the home of the brave. Free and brave have nothing to do with hyper-sensitivity and coddling. Now because of PC America we’re not supposed to call it the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and OU and Texas aren’t supposed to call it the Red River Shootout anymore. To hell with that. I’m taking a stand and it starts now. I’m going to start renaming things to be completely un-PC. This is a decree from the Voice of the Gators. Any team in any of the women’s sports that wins multiple championships in a short span of time will not be referred to as a dynasty, but a VAGYNASTY.
VOG 1. PC America 0.

So, obviously if you are one of the fifteen loyal readers of this blog, you’ll know that I have not retired. We beat USF. I called my shot. Was I losing my mind during the first 28 minutes? Absolutely. That first half had me unbelievably frustrated but never worried. We’re stocked on both sides of the ball and we would never let ourselves lose to such an inferior opponent. FSU was playing USF last year with comparable talent to the Bulls. FSU, that’s something you’re simply going to have to admit to yourself. A premier program does not get their doors blown off by a team coming off of a 5 loss season. I predicted in week 1 that the OU game would be the game that ended your relevance. I stand by what I said. The only legitimate teams you have played over the past 5 years are the Gators and now OU. You’re winless against quality. If you were planning on counting Va Tech as a legitimate program, well let’s see how that that works out for you and Boise State. Since I’m so successful at calling my shots this year, here are a couple more predictions. Boise State will not go undefeated this season and the Gators will land on probation within the next ten years. I pray this doesn’t happen but we’re in the news for the wrong reasons way too much lately.
In creating these blogs I obviously have to Google a ton but I also watch hours and hours of college football TV on ESPN. After my third week of the same shows, I started picking up the commercial patterns. Judging by the commercials I’m seeing, ESPN does not have a high opinion about their college football viewers. Every other commercial is for an “As Seen on TV” product. If I have to watch another commercial for the Sobakawa Pillow, the commemorative 911 silver coin, the Shake Weight for Men (keep the Shake Weight for Women ads coming), the Shed Vac, or Slim T’s, I’m going to really throw my Italian Ice at the Two Bits Kid (not really).
One legitimate commercial I have been seeing is for Doritos. They’re marketing a new flavor called Late Night Cheeseburger. The commercial goes like this. It’s a hot girl riding in a cab eating these Doritos. Right off the bat I’m thinking, what kind of trashy whore eats Doritos as a snack. If your girl is a Doritos fan, your parents also probably think she’s a whore. To quote the Green Goblin, “Do what you need to with her then broom her fast.” So anyway, she finishes her cab ride and her bag of Doritos and then walks into the club. Am I the only one totally grossed about by this Doritos-eating slob? After a long night of drinking and Dorito eating, God help the man who has to smell her breath, or worse yet, one of her BMs.
My timing for toilet humor is good. This weekend, the Gators are traveling to Neyland Stadium, an overrated dump of a stadium. A few years ago I would have been worried about a trip to Rocky Top, but Urban has changed things. Aside from Zook’s two losses to UT, The Gators have quietly put the Vols next to UGA on our bitch list. We’re going for six in a row which is amazing. You may love or hate Urban; either way it’s no coincidence that our three biggest rivals are currently on the downside of success. Before the year I was worried about this game. Last week was a best case scenario for us heading into our SEC opener. We fixed our problems in the second half and the Vols fell apart. Like FSU, they don’t have the players to hang with us and I actually anticipate us having a good first quarter for once. We didn’t show our whole offense against our first two “escorts” so expect JB to open things up down field. Expect Burton and Reed to see more PT at QB in Tebow-like situations and expect Demps to continue his success against an unconfident defense. If I’m completely wrong, then expect Janoris Jenkins and our defense to win it for us. Ultimately, they will be the identity of the team this year. They set the tone for our offense. Our offense was nervous in weeks 1 and 2 and big defensive plays boosted their confidence. After two shaky weeks, the offense now knows the D will bail them out so they should be much more relaxed. Note: Janoris Jenkins is our best player and we should push him for Heisman.

Prediction: UF 38 UT 13

Random Thoughts of the Week
I want to start a new game show called, “Guess My Race.” The first person on the show will be Gator running back Emanuel Moody. The contestants would look to the audience for help and of course the audience would scream, “Navajo! Definitely some sort of Asian! Black black black. Eskimo!”

I hated Nick Saban until I saw the new College Gameday commercial where he eats the Little Debbie oatmeal sandwich off the ground. Genuinely funny.





What I had to Google this Week for the blog

Vagynasty
UF versus UT all time record
Chris Rainey Text Messages
Emanuel Moody Race
Late Night Cheeseburger
Do they use the Sobakawa pillow in “Oriental Massage Spas?”
Local Oriental Massage Spas close to my house

Facts of the Week
The Florida Gators have won 13 of the last 17 games versus Tennessee.

Weekend Football Forecast

Slap in the face pick
BYU over FSU. BYU sucks so I know this isn’t a guarantee but it just wouldn’t feel right to pick FSU over anyone, yet alone against a whole bunch of un-athletic pasty whites.

UGA over Arkansas (a must win or Richt’s gone)
Nebraska over Washington
MSU over LSU
Auburn over Clemson
ND over Mich St.
Iowa over Arizona

Last Week’s Record: 8-3
Season Record: 13-7
2009 Season Record: 59-43

Current Championship Predictions:
BCS: Nebraska
SEC: Florida
ACC: Miami
Big East: UConn
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Nebraska
Pac 10: Oregon State (Oregon looks sexy but I’m sticking with OSU)
BCS Buster: TCU unfortunately


If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog or when Chris Rainey ends up playing for Auburn or when next season starts and FSU again claims they are back. Until next time.

The Voice of the Gators



USF 17 FSU 7, September 26, 2009
We will always remember.

I still Blame Al-Qaeda

Had our game against Tennessee in 2001 not be postponed, things in Gator Nation would be so different. I guess I’m playing the “what if” game again but I want to really think about it. Should they have cancelled that game? It’s debatable and for the record I felt they should have played. America honestly needed a break that Saturday and had they played, the Gators would have beat the Vols. We may have even gone to Auburn later that year and won with a little extra experience heading in. Maybe we beat Miami in the Fiesta Bowl, and maybe we don’t but I get the feeling Spurrier would have stuck around. Had they played that Saturday, Florida would have again embarrassed LSU in the SEC title game and the legend that is Nick Saban would be fiction. If they played that Saturday, I would have gone, just like I will go tomorrow.
Am I at all concerned about my safety, sure? Amidst the potential Quran burning and the possibility of a terrorist threat, who wouldn’t be? I know people who have sold their tickets, which is completely understandable. Guess what though. We’re all going to die at some point. It might not be today, or tomorrow but it's going to happen. I really don't think there's anything to worry about tomorrow, but if I could pick where I take my last breath, Florida Field doesn't sound like such a bad option. God Bless America, Go Gators, report any suspicious behavior, Georgia Sucks.
The only people who need to be concerned tomorrow will be wearing USF Jerseys. It’s a win and that’s all there is to it. I guarantee it. If USF beats Florida, I will shut this blog down forever. I’ve signed the contract; it’s in writing. If the Bulls beat the Gators this Saturday, I quit. Consider this game a retirement match for me. Like the Nature Boy Ric Flair and other greats who have lost retirement matches, I’m a man of my word. There’s no way I can come back. The contract is signed and notarized. Just like in any good retirement match, I won’t simply put my career on the line for nothing. What will USF and their pathetic followers have to risk? If they had some sort of title, it would be a title vs. career match. If they had long hair it could be a hair vs. career match. If they were pregnant, they could put the baby on the line. This would be easy if there was a USF blogger people actually read that I could challenge. However USF is pathetic and so this retirement match is one man, nay one voice, against a big group of nothings (when I say they are nothings, I don’t mean they are like The Nothing from The Neverending Story. Only one person actually stood up to The Nothing. The Boy.).

To put it lightly, I’m confident. We will handedly beat USF. Last week we had one problem which spawned our troubles. If we didn’t have snap errors, we would have looked impressive. Those of you calling for Addazio’s head, just hang on for a few weeks. Last year wasn’t pretty and neither was Saturday but think about it. In 2008 our offense was very impressive but who was Tebow passing it to? He was throwing to Murphy and Harvin without a doubt the two best receivers in that draft. Last year was a talent issue, not Addazio’s total fault. And lets be real, last year’s offense was the Gators’ 8th highest point output ever. The guy’s not so bad. Give him half a season and see how things shape up. We were actually good in the red zone the two times we were there last week so that’s a step forward.
Who cares about the offense as long as our D keeps looking that good? Terrell Austin seemed to have a great scheme. Miami just quit trying to run and thus it was pick city all game long. Despite our lone shining spot, the game as a whole was ugly and obviously if that happens against USF, we’ll only win by 21. Yes, I’m saying we could put the ball on the ground 9 times, 1 more than last week and still get the “W.” USF, I hope you don’t mind me talking to you in the first person, but to be honest, you’re quite the joke. You beat FSU, hooray. Do it for 7 years in a row and make it look like you played Vandy each time (I count 03). Should we really even classify the Big East as a conference? We took the best of you in the Sugar Bowl and exposed you for what you really are. Like the Joker did with Harvey Dent.

Game Prediction: Florida 45, USF 7

So a lot has happened since my last blog, and I want to tell you all about it. First of all, I need to tell all of you something that is my opinion but I’m going to state it as fact. I now feel that my blog is the best blog in the country again. A long time ago my blog was the best and then because of poor management over the years and a general lack of talent it declined. But now it’s definitely back. A new guy is running it, well sort of. He’s been here for four years now but somehow he’s got things back on track. Take my word for it; the blog is back and better than ever.
What assholes would have to talk themselves up like that?

NEWSFLASH: FSU is Back…
Because that’s what they've been telling everyone since WVU took a dive in the Gator Bowl. Why has anyone believed it simply because they keep telling us they are good again? They went up in the rankings because they beat a D2 school. Are you serious? Mike Tyson and company were letting us all know how he was in the best shape of his life before he flat out embarrassed himself before retirement. This is no different. FSU is letting everyone know that it’s different now because that’s what they have to say. How else are they going to con kids into wasting 3 to 5 years of their life? What else are they telling these kids? You’ll get to play running back even though you’re 6’2, slow as hell and rated as one of the best defensive players in the country. Something like that I’m guessing. If FSU is back then so is Steve Guttenberg because I’m sure he’s telling a whole lot of people how Police Academy 14 is going to be the next Hangover. Don’t mess with the Goot. I still like Oklahoma by an embarrassing amount in the Viper Room Bowl.
So apparently you can be retarded and have a vote in the AP poll. Boise State has 8 first place votes? I’m still a bit baffled by this. Really? They’re 3 and the Gators are 8? Okay. Did any of those 8 people watch as Virginia Tech handed Boise that game? Did anyone see how VT was clearly superior? VT is a guaranteed 2-3 loss team every year and somehow a close win over the Hokies is this big crowning achievement for the Broncos. I honestly feel like I’m taking crazy pills over this whole Boise State thing. No one in their right mind thinks they could run the table in the SEC. If any of those 8 voters really believe they could, they don’t deserve a vote. I don’t think they could run the table in the ACC. I honestly think it goes back to our country being soft. We have to baby everyone and fix every problem and make up for our wrongdoings. Some of these analysts and voters are afraid not to support BSU for fear of being called football racists. It’s like there’s a football civil rights movement going on. Now TCU is getting tossed up there too but why? Because they are actually the fourth best team in the country? I’m by no means an expert but if you read my blog last year, you know I predicted USC, Ole Miss, LSU and FSU to be garbage despite what others thought. Take my word for it; Boise State is just playing their blue turf race card. Hopefully that doesn’t offend anybody. I’m really walking a fine line in this blog trying to be PC. It’s not like I had a “Boise State should drink from their own water fountain” joke. That wouldn’t have been appropriate at all.
So Reggie Bush will lose his Heisman. It should definitely go to Vince Young now, but what a shame for USC. I’m pretty sure The Trojans have the only two Heisman winners who won’t be invited to the ceremony next year. How awesome would it be to see The Juice up there next to Wuerffel clapping it up for this year’s latest sophomore winner? What’s next for the other USC Heisman winners? Marcus Allen, Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart might pose for the sequel to the lemon party.

So last week I disclosed the list of things I had to Google during the course of creating the blog. Well Blogspot (“Blogspot” kind of looks like Bloodsport if you read it fast) is now giving stats and showing what people have Google’d to find my blog. Here is a brief list of some of the popular search queries.

Holly Rowe
Mountie
Voice of the gators
Tugboat wrestler
Frank beamer face
Wayne from the wonder years
WWF tugboat
FSU sucks
Donald Gibb
Riley Cooper
Mysexyriley
Mike Price Alabama
Jason Hervey
80’s White Trash
Lay down and bleed college pep talks (I don’t know what the hell this is)

So right now I’d say that my audience is ranking in high on my patented piece of shit index. I’ve figured out what is accidentally getting people to my site and now I need to capitalize on it, much like a veteran wrestler would capitalize on an unsuspecting referee by grabbing the rope while applying the abdominal stretch (first abdominal stretch reference).



Maybe I should use these as topics to haul in some real classy page viewers.
Conspiracy theories over Owen Hart’s death
Conspiracy theories over Bret Hart’s Survivor Series loss to Shawn Michaels
Where “Parts Unknown” could actually be
What pieces of shit Google
Ex Gator Football players now in porn
How to use the abdominal stretch in a real fight
Did Mr. Arnold ever give Mrs. Arnold a black eye on the Wonder Years?
Was Paul Pfeiffer’s grandmother in the holocaust?
Did Tugboat attend Earthquake’s funeral?
Is Tugboat still afloat? (By afloat I mean alive or actually able to walk)
Does Riley Cooper go to the same doctor as Ron Mexico in Philadelphia?
The Dolph Lundgren ab workout
Did Peter Parker ever find Uncle Ben’s porn stash?
When will Freddie vs. Jason 2 come out?
If Heath Leger got the Oscar posthumously, why didn’t Brandon Lee win for the Crow?
Will Scott Hall baby-sit my kids?

Random Thoughts of the Week
Have you ever met someone and found out that they’re a Gator fan? Cool, right? The conversation is going great and you’re talking about the upcoming season or whatnot. You talk about when you graduated, and they talk about vague things other than graduating from the University of Florida. Not a Gator. It happens to me all the time, and I pass judgment.
FYI, if you meet a guy in the panhandle, he shows you his Florida Gator tattoo that spans his entire calf, and he says he’s a graduate of the University of Florida, don’t believe him. I’ve met that guy.
Whatever happened to the old radio sideline/post game reporter? Brady Ackerman is doing it now but the old guy was definitely better.

What I had to Google this Week for the blog

Abdominal Stretch

What to say if your wife asks you, “Do you hate me?”

Retirement match

USC Heisman Winners

The plural of nothing

Why are all my friends selling their Gator tickets this week?

Twilight Book Burnings

Would the FBI track me if I blogged the word “Quran?”

What happens if you say “Quran” three times in your blog?

I just blogged “Quran” 3 times and I got a phone call telling me I’m going to die in 3 days. Is this for real?

What if I spell “Koran” with a K?

How much do I have to pay Scott Hall to hang out with him for the day?

What would Steve Babick do?

Things “a friend of mine” Google'd this week
Brandon Spikes sex tape
Stubhub Monday Night Raw Tickets

Facts of the Week
The Florida Gators have not lost to one of the current Big East schools since 1991 versus Syracuse (We lost to Miami in 2003 but they are not a current Big East school).
Florida has not lost a game versus a Florida school since 2003.

Must Watch Web
Ivan Drago’s Comeback

Drago's got a good lookin set of tits!

Weekend Football Forecast

Slap in the face pick
Vandy over LSU: LSU is in bad shape, nearly losing to a dismantled Tar Heels squad. If UNC gets those guys back, they could make big waves with serious BCS implications.

Picks

OU over FSU
Miami over Ohio State
Alabama over PSU (don’t be shocked if it’s close)
Oregon over Tennessee (I think the Vols make it respectable)
South Carolina over UGA
Cal over Colorado
Michigan over Notre Dame
USC over UVA (I’d love to be wrong)
Last Week’s Record: 5-4
2009 Season Record: 59-43

Current Championship Predictions:
BCS: Nebraska
SEC: Florida
ACC: Miami
Big East: UConn
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Nebraska
Pac 10: Oregon State
BCS Buster: TCU unfortunately. I refuse to put Boise. A little civil disobedience on my part.


If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or you may never hear from me again if we lose to USF this weekend like FSU last year; but they’ve completely recovered from that. They’re back! Until next time.

The Voice of the Gators



USF 17 FSU 7, September 26, 2009
We will always remember.

The Leave is Over

Oh Boy. Its like I leapt into a random body on Quantum Leap. Where the hell have I been? We’ll get to that. Before I sat down tonight my wife approached me very seriously. “I’m glad you’re starting your blog again but I want you to promise me something…” This is when I got worried. Did she actually read some of the shit I posted last year? I assumed she’d say, “Quit talking about taking women to pound town,” or “Quit talking about me having sex with 2nd stringers.” Nope. “If you’re gonna do this again please keep your files organized on the computer.” Women. They’re all the same; well not all of them.
Did you see Brandon Spikes living the dream on chat roulette? That girl, whose dad must be proud by the way (by proud I mean ready to play his own game of Russian roulette in front of his web cam) probably never complains about his computer files being unorganized. She seems like a really sweet girl, who accepts Brandon even though his computer is probably a fucking mess. As far as commenting on the video goes, what can I say? I’m not appalled; if anything I think it’s really funny, and to be honest, good for you, Brandon, and I’ll leave it at that. I’m just surprised he didn’t put a Georgia helmet on her.
Note: Researching the Brandon Spikes sex tape was interesting. “What are you doing?” My wife said to me as I got out of bed too anxious to sleep, knowing I had to do blog research. “Watching the Brandon Spikes sex tape.” I said. “It’s research.” I’m not sure if she thought I was serious but I was looking over my shoulder every few seconds knowing my wife was in the other room. Now I have a pretty good excuse. If my wife asks me what I’m looking at I’ll be like, “Uh? Oh you didn’t hear about that big defensive tackle from Tennessee? Yeah, he also made a sex tape... with a tiny blonde cheerleader…and the defensive coaching staff from Grambling. Take a look at the desktop. Aren't these files are nice and organized, baby?"
So where was I between my last blog and now? I gotta be honest, I burnt out. I rushed that last blog about Urban’s retirement and I had enough, at least for the off- season. I said I was going to cover basketball but let’s be honest. I’m a Gator football fan first. I love basketball but I’ll catch games if I remember they’re on, watch the SEC tournament, and then the big dance. There are few of us Gator fans who truly give enough of a shit about basketball to read or write a blog about it. So much went on after Urban quit and I wanted to cover the entire saga including Lane to USC, USC on probation, and all the cheating scandals. I’ll rehash this off-season briefly in pictures.

I quit

Just kidding

Heart issues are no joke. Take it from a professional athlete who knows first hand about the stress and pressure of competing for championships on a week to week basis.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2v2jt_ric-flair-gets-a-heart-attack-on-ni_sport

I fucked UT

Reggie Fucked Me

Took 100 grand? Who me?

You'll never catch me.

Here comes the super-conference.

Nevermind

Will win the Heisman…

if glory hole receiving stats are considered.

Taking his talents to South Beach

Taking his talents and 7 or 8 kids to the New York.

What would his reality show be called? "Antonio, and his wife and another 6 women plus 8 or is it 9?"

And now for this season. Will Florida win the national title this year? No but it would be a lot cooler if we did. Thanks, Wooderson. It wouldn't surprise me if we did either.

It’s an even number year for Urban and he wins them every other year. We’ve got the tools. The defense I have a feeling will be better assuming the new coordinator isn’t completely Zookish. Brantley has a line, 3 amazing backs (maybe 4 with Brown) and hopefully a stable of receivers who end up looking good in the process. The schedule isn’t bad. Bama is ripe with a mostly new defense. That game will be a shootout like the game at Kentucky was in 07. If the Bama game is winnable, then they all are. Where could we stumble? At Tennessee doesn’t seem likely but I just can’t see them being as bad as everyone is predicting. It’s a must win for Dooley or he will be “building that program” until they fire him in 3 years. UGA in Jax could be a stumble as well. We’ll talk when that game gets closer. Miss. St. at home could catch us with our pants down and obviously Bama could pose problems on the road. That being said, we won’t lose all of those games giving us a worst case scenario of a 3 loss season. The worst I truly see is a two loss year (heading in the SEC title game). If we beat Bama in Bama, the Tide won’t make it to Atlanta.
So lets say we are the two loss SEC champs, that could be good enough to play an undefeated Ohio State, an undefeated Boise, or a 1 loss Big 12 champ. Don’t sleep on Nebraska; they’re definitely back and Ohio State’s party is officially over after this season.
SEC Championship Prediction: Florida over Auburn. The west is murderer’s row and Bama’s defense is too new. They are completely undeserving of their ranking but the voters couldn’t stomach Boise or Ohio State at 1 to start the year.
For the record, let’s just get this on the table. Boise State is garbage. They may sneak in; they could beat a team like Ohio State. Then we get a playoff. Hell, maybe they’d overturn the championship. It’s been done before. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIZafcGYUa0
I don’t know how that dispute isn’t still tangled up in federal court.

This summer on E60 I saw a piece about corrective rape. Did you catch it? If you missed it there will be a similar program on next weekend when Florida State travels to Oklahoma. Obviously next week I’ll lay it on pretty thick, but I’m just sayin, no pressure, FSU. It’s not like your entire brand is riding on that game. This is the 10th season since you were relevant. If Oklahoma does what I think they will, your image will be done after your season spirals out of control. Let’s compare our programs. FSU was really good a long time ago, like River Phoenix, and UF is really great now, like Leonardo DiCaprio. UF fans are enjoying the latest hit Inception while FSU fans are replaying the opening sequence of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade over and over again on VHS. Enjoy Norman next week, Nole fans, it’ll be your very own Viper Room.
While I’m predicting one program’s demise, I’m predicting another coach’s. Les Miles, enjoy your last year. I don’t need to explain; you’re a pathetic moron who is through riding a real coach’s coat tail. LSU will probably have a losing season and Ron Zook will have a tag team partner when he joins the WWE.
In the off season you may have seen College Football Live and their “What If” segments. I liked it better when voiceofthegators.blogspot.com did it last October.
http://voiceofthegators.blogspot.com/2009/10/what-ifs-are-for-losers-gators-are-7-0.html
If they EVER compare a football team to the movie Bloodsport or Best of the Best 2, I swear to God I’m suing. It does make me feel good that one of their producers has probably read my blog.
What to Expect Saturday
I’m looking forward to the game Saturday. I look forward to seeing all that’s changed in Gainesville since my last visit. I don’t look forward to the heat. I should probably just watch the game on ESPN but I can always watch Breakfast with the Gators Sunday, when we all look forward to Nat Moore’s confusion of verb tenses and pluralizing of last names.
Honestly, it’s Miami of Ohio. It’s a win. I’m not going to bother doing research on their team. I’m looking forward to seeing who gets the most balls at WR. Is Debose legit? Percy busted a long gain in his first game vs. UCF, but evidently Andre’s not filling the Harvin role after all. Will Mike Gillislee step up and be the guy. I think he’s our best overall back. Every time he played last year he busted one long; so if he’s only our third best option, I’m feeling really good about Moody and Demps.

Game Prediction: Florida 52 Miami 6

What I had to Google this Week
In making this blog, I have to look up certain facts and information to make sure I get it right for spelling and accuracy. I don’t want to look completely ignorant. Here’s a list of things I Googled to make this week’s blog or at least things I Googled while I was making this blog.

Masters of the Universe Dialogue (I wanted to make some references but couldn’t quite pull it off).
Donald Gibb’s Home Address
Ric Flair Heart Attack
WWF stripped championship
common grammar problems
black English vernacular
Brandon Spikes Video
Brandon Spikes Sex video
Brandon Spikes sex Video for real this time

How to hook up a web cam
How to ensure anonymity on chat roulette
Ron Zook Sex video
How to delete my search history
River Phoenix Viper Room
Blindfolded Kumite Training Techniques
How can I take my talents to South Beach?
Rippin and Tearin
How to save my soul

Random Thoughts of the Week
I stumbled upon this great website for runners during the off season. It lets you map out your run precisely. It’s called MapMyRun.com, or as females on Florida State’s campus call it, MapMyRape.com.

I really want to take a dump on a Dominos pizza and send them the picture.

I’m sick of America. It’s so PC, every parent tells their kid they're perfect (I blame Curt Hennig) and discipline has disappeared. Timeout is a big punishment these days I guess. We’re so soft as a country. When people have babies they go to these great lengths to baby-proof their homes. Whatever happened to evolution? I say fuck it. If I ever have a kid, I’m going to Darwinise my house. My home would be like a baby version of the Eliminator from American Gladiators, but with a lot more broken glass and faulty baby gates. It’s time America breeds some winners.

Fact of the Week
Lets say Bama is still legit this year and next. Did you realize that if we play them in the next two SEC title games, we will have played them 6 times in 4 years?

Weekend Football Forecast

Slap in the face pick
The first slap goes to you, Lane Kiffin. Hawaii over USC tonight in Hawaii. Muhalo, dickhead.

Missouri over Illinois, Colorado State over Colorado, ND over Purdue, Michigan over UConn (must win for Michigan), Washington over BYU, Oregon State over TCU, LSU over UNC and Va Tech over Boise State (prayin for the sake of everything that is right in the world)

2009 Season Record: 59-43

Current Championship Predictions:
BCS: Nebraska
SEC: Florida
ACC: Miami
Big East: UConn
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Nebraska
Pac 10: Oregon State
BCS Buster: At this point I only see extra major conference teams sneaking in. 2 Big 12 teams, 2 SEC schools etc.


If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when FSU doesn’t have to rely on a fix to win the Gator Bowl. Until next time.

The Voice of the Gators

P.S. Not to beat a dead horse or anything but a promise is a promise.

USF 17 FSU 7, September 26, 2009
We will always remember.