What ifs are for Losers: The Gators are 7-0 and it's Time to Party in Jacksonville

The Gator dynasty has never looked stronger. 2008 capped another stellar run for the Florida Gators marking their 8th National Championship since 1991. The Gators are again on top of the world. Let’s recap key moments during the 8 National Championship seasons for the Gators.
1991: Going into the Sugar Bowl it looked like the Gators could do no better than number 3 in the final polls. Facing the Irish the Gators did not lack motivation. However they needed more than just a little bit of help and by the end of the game, the Gators got all they needed. Early in the game the Gators got all they could handle from Jerome Bettis but the Bus hopped off the field gimpy after spraining his MCL after a short gain in the first quarter. The Irish had no answer and the Gators rolled. Throw in 2 more huge favors as Washington was upset by Michigan in the Rose Bowl and the Hurricanes laid an egg against Nebraska and the Gators had the most improbable and most cherished Gator National Championship of all time.
1996: This may be my favorite National Championship as we did it against our rivals. We didn’t even know we were playing for the National Championship until Ohio State pulled the upset against the Jake Plummer led Sun Devils in the Rose Bowl. As we learned in the WWF, guys named Jake the Snake never win the gold. Once we realized a win over FSU would give us the National Championship, the Gators rolled in a 52-20 rout.
1998: The Vols had no chance against the Gators. As far as I’m concerned, the Gators had them beat in Knoxville but two f fumbles in the red zone and a missed field goal in OT did the Gators in. To get their revenge on the Vols, the Gators had to do something that Spurrier had never done as a coach: win in Tallahassee. FSU was obviously on a down year but Florida was still cautious. They knew from old high school footage that FSU qb Marcus Outzen could scramble easily on broken pass plays. The Gators had it covered and sacked the hapless backup 6 times in the second half, allowing the Gators to easily hold onto their narrow first half lead and run out the clock in typical Spurrier fashion. The Gators got an extra week to prepare for the National Championship as the Vols had to prepare for the SEC title game. After getting their second chance at a National Championship rematch, the Gators knew what to do. The Vols knew they were playing on borrowed time, escaping narrowly in several of their close wins that year. On top of their usual angst playing the Gators, the Vols had deal with Florida’s desire for revenge. First year QB Tee Martin was inept against a polished Gator Defense led by coordinator, Bob Stoops. He had time to prepare this time around and held the Vols to 3 points in the desert. Final Score: Florida 22 UT 3. Although the Gators did not win the SEC East and the SEC championship, they still got the final glory in the Fiesta Bowl.
1999: In a year where the Gators were not predicted to win much of anything, the Gators hit a turning point against Alabama. In a seesaw battle against the Tide in Gainesville, the Gators were able to run out the clock after Darrell Jackson successfully fielded a punt inside the 10 yard line late in the 4th quarter. This was the turning point. Florida coasted the rest of that season until the epic 1 versus 2 match up with Florida State. The Gators carried so much momentum into the game that FSU had no answer for the Gators’ 2 confident, rotating quarterbacks. This was the last time the Gators wore blue jerseys and orange pants. Jesse Palmer and Doug Johnson were stellar and pulled out an amazing win to set the Gators up for another shot at the National Championship. Still the SEC title game was an obstacle. Bama is usually our opponent in Atlanta but after the close loss to the Gators, Bama’s season spiraled out of control and the Gators faced an up-and-coming Miss. St. squad that was completely overmatched. The Gators dropped 35 consecutive unanswered first half points to end the game before it really ever started. Next up was Michael Vick and his Virginia Tech Hokies in the Sugar Bowl for the National Championship. In what proved to be a close game, the Gators contained Vick just enough to pull off the 34-31 win. Michael Vick called the Gators “a team of high character” and he said he “learned a lot from the way the Gators played.” Vick as we know has gone on to a stellar career in the NFL playing in 9 consecutive seasons for the Atlanta Falcons. Of all the QBs the Gators have faced, I have never seen a classier and more talented individual than Michael Vick.
2001: What an amazing season. The Gators were stellar despite the emotional tragedy of 911. The SEC decided to play their games the weekend after 911 and the Gators played with spirit, courage, and intensity as they easily handled an unprepared Tennessee team. Despite a mid season setback to Auburn, the BCS puzzle pieces fell into place allowing the Gators a shot at Miami if they could just get past LSU in the SEC title game. Unfortunately for Nick Saban’s Tigers, he had to face the Gators for a second time and it wasn’t much better during the sequel. His Tigers looked like housecats chasing a laser pointer as the Gators offense confused LSU en route to a 46-18 blowout. Cue the rematch. The Gators had payback on their mind after the 2001 Sugar Bowl loss to the Canes. Rex, Jabar, Reche and company were motivated. The media talked about it during the 4 weeks leading up to the game. I’ve never seen Spurrier so poised and ready to take on what he called “the greatest team to ever play college football.” After the fact, we realize he was playing mind games and they didn’t stop during the game either. Steve Spurrier started Brock Berlin at quarterback. Obviously we all remember the play because Rex Grossman was starting at wide receiver in a trick formation. Miami had not seen this look in any of the Gator footage and Grossman caught the lateral pass from Berlin and found Caldwell deep for a huge 50 yard gain to start the National Championship. This play was so sneaky, that some may say Spurrier was sneaky like a snake. Miami struggled after the opening touchdown and the Gators moved the ball at will through the air during the first half. Earnest Graham had the game of his life as he carried the ball for 198 yards; 164 of those yards coming in a vintage Steve Spurrier second half. The Gators had no problems with the Canes winning 31-10.
2006: Obviously this was recent history and we all know the story of this improbable championship. However after pulling out a narrow win in the SEC title game against Arkansas the Gators, who found ways to win all season, were off to the desert yet again to face the potential wire-to-wire national champion Buckeyes. We know how the game turned out. The critics initially claimed the Buckeyes had too long of a layoff before the game but the years of Buckeye mediocrity after that game have further solidified UF’s current era of dominance. Final Score: UF 41 OSU 14.
2007: Florida defies the odds and becomes a two loss national champion. After back to back losses against Auburn and LSU the Gators were reeling. Would they get it together or crumble? The Gators hit a real turning point in Jacksonville when the Bulldogs scored first. The entire Georgia team stormed the field in celebration. The Gators and a completely healthy Tim Tebow were ready to respond. Rumors of a Tebow shoulder injury were just that, rumors. Tebow was rushed in the pocket but the fleet footed sophomore playing in his home town eluded Georgia defenders all day, scrambling outside of the pocket and down field on repeated occasions. Tebow further solidified his Heisman trophy, punishing UGA through the air and on the ground all day in a 28 point Gator win. After winning their final SEC east Games, the Gators were set for a rematch with LSU in Atlanta. The Gators were poised and ready to snap at a reeling Tiger team. LSU felt Florida’s wrath after beating the Gators on several miracle 4th down conversions during the regular season. LSU could not contain a much improved Gator offense and Tim Tebow led the Gators to their 2nd straight SEC championship. During the day’s final games the commentators remarked how there is a real mess with the BCS and that Florida could indeed leap Missouri, West Virginia, Kansas, Oklahoma, and USC. The voters agreed with the commentators’ logic by a 2 loss Gator team to face a 1 loss Buckeye squad in an unlikely and undesirable rematch. OSU played much better early on in this game but the Gators got it together and the Buckeyes of course did not have an answer for Tim Tebow. The Gators won 33-14 in another SEC rout over the Big 10.
2008: This brings us to last year’s run. After the Ole Miss loss the Gators put together one of the finest runs in college football history. Blowing out top 10 teams like UGA and LSU was the trend as the Gators marched on to a match up with number 1 Alabama in Atlanta. Bama proved worthy, but the Gators showed their frequently questioned toughness in a slugfest with the Tide that ended in a Gator victory without their star Percy Harvin. The Gators’ defense was much talked about heading into the National Title match up with Oklahoma. Oklahoma boasted the highest scoring team in college football history and that gave the Gators the motivation they needed. The Gators struggled with the no huddle offense but contained it when they had to, holding the Sooners to 14 points in a performance that physically shocked qb Sam Bradford. Final Score 24-14.

2009
It would be amazing if we owned 8 National Championships. However championships are not won in what-if scenarios. What-ifs and excuses are for losers and winning games is what champions do.

The Gators are 7-0 and on pace to make another run at the SEC and National Championships and have so far avoided several what-ifs. It makes me sick when a guy like Mike Bianchi says there is no way the Gators will win the National Championship. He says that Tim Tebow can’t win the Heisman either. As bad as the Gators are playing, they know how to win and they don’t have to worry about the what-ifs. Who is really better than the Gators? Maybe Bama but if you think UF can’t win that game you’re crazy. We find ways to win or hold on and I don’t see that changing. Then if we win the SEC, who will beat us? Cincinnati? Texas? Bama in a rematch? There is no one out there that is scary, so how, as a supposedly legitimate sports journalist, can you say that the Gators can’t win? As far as the Heisman talk I could really care less if he wins or loses but again I ask who else is there? If you think enough voters will actually pull the trigger on Keenum from Houston or Ingram from Bama you’re delusional. No one is really worthy so they will award the best career as they wrongly did with Eric Crouch in 2001. It’s still between Tebow and McCoy; whichever one decides to finish out the year in a decent statistical manner will win the award. Right or wrong this is how it is going to play out.

The Gators are 7-0 but I’ve never been more frustrated in a Gator team. I’m one of the many spoiled Gator fans. The expectations of this season have left me cursing at the screen in the middle of our unconvincing wins. As I’ve said before, we’re so arrogant that we get upset even though we’ve still got it so good. And the rich get richer as we’ve been the beneficiary of a few game changing missed calls. Most of America should really hate us and I’m pretty sure they do. That brings me to this week’s feature on the college football team I hate the most.
1. The Florida Gators: That’s right the Florida Gators are on the top of my list. As you know, love and hate are so interchangeable that one can become the other in a split second and then switch back just as quickly. Ask your cousin who just burnt down her boyfriend’s trailer and then got pregnant while holding him at knife point after he dealt some bad meth to Andre Agassi. I’m sure they’re really excited for the baby. For the record, I’d have to be on meth to marry Stefi Graf and look at her face without spitting in it day after day. Do I really hate the Gators? Absolutely not but I feel like it this year. I’ve been so pissed off about our imperfection that it has ruined at least 4 of the games I’ve watched this year for me and the people I watched it with. Yes, I’ve made it physically uncomfortable for them to be in the room with me. I’ve been so rattled by the difference from last year that I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Based on this I’ve decided that I’d be a horrible parent. If I get upset over the Gators being undefeated and sloppy, imagine what my son will feel like when he brings back a B on his report card or when I tell him he has to walk home after a pedestrian little league performance. Steve Spurrier ruined me.

This was originally going to be a list of the top 10 teams I hate and the reasons why. It went on way too long as I hate all of the following teams for so many reasons. The teams I hate without any further explanation are: FSU, Miami, Notre Dame, USC, USF, Boise State, Tennessee, LSU and Ohio State.
Some notable teams not on my list include Bama and UGA. I grew up with the Gators dominating both of these teams. UGA took some steps in the right direction 2 years ago with that win but as mentioned in my what-if scenario earlier, that win was solely dependant on Tebow’s immobility. It’s still too soon for me to really legitimize them as a hated rival. Also as a Gator fan, for the record I actually thought their celebration 2 years ago was pretty cool. Had we done it, we’d all look back fondly.

This brings us to the best weekend of the year. This is my Christmas. Hell, this is probably Santa’s Christmas; he’ll probably be in Jax this weekend funneling bourbon and grabbing plenty of coed ass. That’s the nature of a weekend that has a name that is far too sophisticated for what it actually is. The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party’s the name and getting shit faced’s the game.
To start off with what a typical Cocktail Party weekend is like for me, I’ll tell you about my fond memory of last year’s game. Well I don’t actually have memory of last year’s game. I had to watch breakfast with the Gators to actually remember what happened. It’s hard to remember anything when you’re 10 drinks deep by halftime but two things I do remember were that the Gators won and that my sister in law kept telling my brother, “I think your brother’s had enough.” This is what it’s all about. If your speech isn’t severely slurred and you’re not invading other people’s personal space, you’re not doing it right.
It’s hard to beat your first time at the party. The Friday night we drove in, I was with my brother and another couple who were all older than me. They were veterans if you will. When we parked downtown I expected just to go walk around and maybe go see a movie later. I didn’t get the memo about what happens at the Landing. I wasn’t clued in that a sea of drunken southerners awaited me. I was also naïve to the custom of pre-drinking so I was quite confused when I was fed several shots of vodka before we stopped the car. Getting to the Landing was like arriving at Mecca; This was “The Party.” Everyone had a beer in their hand and was partying their ass off. It’s hard to explain if you haven’t been there but it’s special. All of the food court vendors were converted to beer vendors for that night and no one was IDing. I was still scared and asked my brother to buy me a beer. “Nonsense!” he said, “Man up and do it yourself!” This 18 year old courageously walked up to a very lovely Chinese lady, asked for a 32 ounce beer, handed over the 5 bucks, and walked away with the best tasting beer I’ve ever had, all while looking like a 13 year old. I didn’t even have to use my teen wolf eyes or anything.

Give me a keg of beer!

Here’s a math equation that the fine people of the Jacksonville Landing didn’t quite know the answer to that year. A whole lot of beer equals a whole lot of piss. Our multiple choice options for that equation were:
A: wait in line at one of two inside bathrooms for 45 minutes
B: wait in line 20 minutes at one of the outdoor portapotties
C: hold it
D: Go Elsewhere
Elsewhere is a funny word when you’re plastered. Elsewhere could mean in a Checkers to go cup, in your pants, in a trash can, or on the Modus building across the street while being interrupted by the police and having to stop mid-stream, zip up, hurdle over a railing to a ten foot drop and then flee back to the safety of the Landing. Ah the Cocktail Party.

Back to my story. Before we encountered any bathroom issues we made our way to the stage area outside where I noticed that everyone was dancing and singing along to the band. The band was on fire with cover after cover. “Big Al and the Coholics” were without a doubt the best party band I have ever heard. Anyone who changes the lyrics of the Doors’ Roadhouse Blues from “save our city, save our city, right now” to “show your titties, show your titties, right now” is okay by me.
Many beers and questionable bathroom breaks later, we made our way to the motel. I don’t remember much, but I remember we were staying with several of my brother’s older friends. Entering the room I ignored any prior sleeping arrangements and just dropped down on the first bed I saw. One of my brother’s dorm buddies tried to tell me that it was his bed to which I replied with several drunken f-bomb laced slurs and challenged him to a fight. I was left alone and was able enjoy my night of REM free drunken slumber. Elsewhere also happened to be in the bed I slept in that night.
The Cocktail Party is the Vietnam of parties. If you haven’t been, you’ll come back and tell people about all the crazy shit you saw. Believe me man, I’ve seen some things. I’ve done things in Jacksonville that you couldn’t even imagine. I don’t quite wake up in the middle of the night with night terrors but I do get a laugh any time I tell some of the stories.
The whole raucous nature of the Cocktail Party is what made my wife reluctant to attend in the first place. In all seriousness it’s not out of the ordinary for people to die in alcohol related incidents during the Cocktail Party so her points were valid. I finally convinced her to go in 2004 and promised her it wouldn’t be too crazy. I promised her I’d behave. I swore. We weren’t in Jacksonville more than 30 minutes when we saw two Georgia fans snorting cocaine off of a car key in plain view of everyone. Also my wife soon realized that when I said I would behave, I meant get shit faced. She was now the proud babysitter of a belligerent Gator fan who went to the bathroom “elsewhere” several times that evening. I was in for a long weekend and was asking her “Are you sure you’re okay?” every hour on the hour the next day. The game was a disaster as we know, giving UGA their first win against the Gators since 1997. Like many Cocktail Party veterans, I left Jacksonville that year a broken man. Many of us left piece of ourselves out there on the party lines. Some of us saw jail time, others alcohol poisoning and for the rare few, divorce. However we all came back brothers.
The Gators fell that day, but this Saturday will be different. This year I definitely like the Gators to win. Just like last week I feel we could play sloppy again and UGA had an extra week to prepare. However I feel our offense is bound to click this week. I predict that this is the turning point week and Tebow will finally look like himself again in front of his hometown fans.
Game Prediction: Florida 41 Georgia 17

Random Thought of the Week
If you have not see TLC’s show 18 Kids and Counting, don’t start now. However if you’ve seen it, I imagine you hate the Duggar family as much as I do. Who has 18 kids anyway? The show should be called 18 Kids and Mounting. After 18 pregnancies, Michelle Duggar has spent over 15 years of her life carrying a child. Who would put a woman through that? Jim Bob Duggar, the dad of this Bible Belt Brady Bunch, is the most obnoxious asshole I’ve ever seen. Who really wants 18 kids? This guy has more unprotected sex than the rap industry and NBA combined. He slings more meat than Winn Dixie, and they’re the Beef People. He lays more pipe than, well you get the point. I’ve got to give it to him credit though; this man can deliver in the red zone while the Gators cannot.

Must Watch Web

Daniel Tosh is a Gator Growl 01 Alumni and comedic genius. Check out Tosh.0 on Comedy Central Thursday nights at 10. This Florida native is the only TV comic I know who will actually talk about college sports and he even called out Lane Kiffin a few weeks ago. This isn’t that clip but it’s still really funny.
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=238859&title=motorcycle-granny
Fact of the Week
The Gators have lost both of the Florida Georgia games my wife has attended. She is attending her third this weekend. If the Gators lose this weekend, I can assure you all that my wife will never attend another Florida Georgia game for the rest of her life. If the judge is a Gator, I’ll have a strong defense in divorce court.

Weekend Football Forecast
My slap in the face pick goes to Vandy over GT. This is far fetched however I’m willing to take The SEC’s worst team and pick them over the ACC’s best to make a statement. The ACC is so pitiful that I wouldn’t be surprised to see an overconfident GT lay an egg against the Commodores. I’m pulling for you, Vandy.
Last week’s record: 4-6.
FSU over NC State (first pick for the Noles all year), Ole Miss over Auburn, Miss St. Over Kentucky, Tenn over South Carolina, Texas over Oklahoma State, Oregon over USC

Season Record: 40-36

Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: GT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: USC
BCS Buster: Notre Dame and Boise State
*Changed pick since last week


If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
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You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when an FSU fan doesn’t have to say, “Hey, remember 6 years ago,” when talking about the last time they beat the Gators. Until next time, go Gators!

The Voice of the Gators