It’s time to get ready for Charleston Southern. You might be embarrassed by having such a team on your schedule, but not me. I’ve heard it time and time again about Florida scheduling cupcakes for the first two games. The snob in me is proud that we can sell out any home game including one against a D2 school. We could schedule spoken word poetry, call it the home opener, and it would sell out. We sell out every home game no matter what, so why would we schedule a home and home series with any of our 3 open schedule slots? Florida State does that. They should have fun out in Utah this year; I’m sure they’ll pull some really good west coast recruits on that road trip. The only time FSU will see any of those guys in Tallahassee is when they’re riding through on their ten speeds spreading the word. The upside of the BYU trip for FSU is that the probability of any of their players getting someone pregnant is significantly lower than a game in Tallahassee or anywhere else. Forget a road trip, bring on the cupcakes.
About the term cupcake, it’s not the best way to describe these teams. Let’s get right down to it; they should be called “escorts.” They get paid to lie down. The big wigs at these universities bring these teams to town, sometimes have them stay overnight, but usually send them on their way with bus fare ASAP. These teams assume the role of being a sure thing or any other role our team needs them to play that night. Our team then pummels and humiliates them in a sweaty mess that all of our fans can be proud of. The home football team finishes their business, usually in an exaggerated display, and the “escort” gets paid their money as they are shown the door. These teams are not “cupcakes,” they’re “escorts” and the Gators are dropping nearly half a million on a one-night stand this weekend.
Let’s hope we’ve done our research. We’ve seen what these escorts can do. Ask Michigan. The Wolverines thought they ordered the girlfriend experience when they brought Appalachian State into town two years ago. Dinner, a movie, and a 40 point win. Oh no. Appy State ended up being a biter, with meth teeth.
Game Expectations
Everything I’ve been reading and watching points to one fact. Yes a fact. The Gators are going to win. We are already 1 and 0. I’m not trying to jinx this thing but when the players talk about being excited to play this game so they can “work on some things,” or they’re glad because “it’s good to get the young guys experience” they’re not worried about the outcome. It’s a “tune up” game. We’re favored by 63 points and we could score 100 if we really wanted to. The coaches can’t even keep a straight face when they say they’re not looking past Charleston Southern. If any football coach ever reads this posting, please, please, please, please blatantly tell the media that you are looking past a team. Roll the dice on this one. Lane Kiffin will probably be this guy.
Obvious things to watch for this weekend…
Expect several huge runs by Rainey, Demps, and whoever else gets a few carries. Our type of speed flourishes against undermanned and out-coached defenses. If teams don’t have the meat up front to stop Rainey or Demps at the line, they’re gone (See Mon Williams versus Western Carolina in 2006).
Of course Tebow will look great but I’m expecting better than average passing numbers out of him this year. He’s lost his two go-to guys, but he was facing the same scenario last season with Caldwell and Ingram gone. He’s a fourth year player and a man amongst boys; expect Tebow to do whatever he wants against whoever he wants.
Some not so obvious things to watch for…
I’m excited to see our redshirt freshmen receivers: Hammond, Hines, and Lawrence. Something about these guys has me excited. Maybe it’s that there are 3 of them and we’ve had some awesome trios in our recent history. I get a feeling that in 2010 these guys should make John Brantley look like he should have been starting the whole time (If the Pouncey twins don’t get the NFL bug in their ear). Also I love that they all were redshirted. I’m sick of throwing guys into the fire because coaches buy into their hype. Sorry, Andre Caldwell, but you’re a prime example of a guy who needed a year to learn the system and develop before seeing time. For the record I think Caldwell developed into a really good player. Also for the record, I would love to have a staring contest with his older brother, Reche.
What will a Steve Addazio coached offense look like? I doubt it will slow down but how will his style and mind change things? Will he show defenses mercy? Here’s hoping he’s the John Kreese of coaching.
Game Prediction: UF 86 Charleston Southern 0
Random Thoughts of the Week
I don’t respect LSU’s 2007 BCS Championship.
I wonder what happened to the guy who tried to steal Jabar Gaffney’s scooter.
I wouldn’t want to be the pleats on Charlie Weiss’s pants.
Fact of the Week
The Gator football team has not lost to a religiously affiliated school since the 1992 Sugar Bowl where the Gators fell to Notre Dame.
Weekend Football Forecast
South Carolina over NC State, Boise State over Oregon, Western Kentucky over Tennessee, Georgia over Oklahoma State (was Stafford ever really a game changer for UGA anyway?), Illinois over Missouri, Oklahoma over BYU, Alabama over Virginia Tech, LSU over Washington, and Miami over FSU in their only win of their first four games.
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: VT
Big East: Pitt
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Oklahoma
Pac 10: USC
BCS Buster: Notre Dame
Heisman Dominos
This is a segment where I will predict the Heisman Trophy winner. Consider every single player in college football to be a domino. Each week dominos will fall until we have a winner.
A look ahead this season
Why the Big 12 is garbage, Classic alcohol related Mr. 2 Bits stories, Why LSU is done, Why losing to USF is my recurring nightmare, Why I don’t think Tim Tebow would be any fun to hang around with, Why the Mountain West and WAC should join forces and form WAM, How the Gators are the key to changing the BCS, When will Ric Flair return to the Gator sidelines, and any other stories I see fit.
Until next time, go Gators!
The Voice of the Gators
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