Tim Tebow Looks to make the SEC say “matte” this season.
Obviously I’m going to cover the Troy game but be patient. I had to sift through several ideas to write this week’s blog. I do indeed have my list of topics that I will cover this year but all good things come to those who wait.
After scanning through the channels this week while attempting to brainstorm blog ideas, I came upon Bloodsport. Bloodsport you say? That name sound scary. What’s it about? Well, let me tell you. It’s about Gator Football. SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t seen Bloodsport, you still may have a shot at going to heaven. Obviously this is extremely important in analyzing the season, however; I’ll spare you the 30 page film essay avoiding the mandatory shot-by-shot breakdown of the blindfold scene and give you the bare-bones version of why Bloodsport is about Gator Football.
First off, the character parallels are uncanny. Obviously Tim Tebow is Frank Dux (Van Damme) in this comparison and Coach Meyer is obviously his Shidoshi. Chon Li, the arch nemesis could be a number of potential foes the Gators may face but I’m going with Southern Cal. Chon Li looks so tough with his bouncing, roided-up pecs but then he fights someone trained to perform the Dim Mak (aka an SEC team).
What the hell's a dim mak?
Even if you cheat by throwing some sort of blinding power in Tebow’s face, we’ll still win. In USC’s case that metaphorical blinding powder is their questionable recruiting tactics and their probable low ratio of football players who actually took their own SAT. Party’s over Pete Carrol; Frank Dux just broke your world record!
On assignment in Hong Kong’s underground and Donald Gibb, as Ray Jackson
Erin Andrews is obviously the blonde reporter who falls in love with Dux, and Ray Jackson, played by Donald Gibb of Revenge of the Nerds fame is the guy operating the keyhole camera. “Hey Frankie!”
Yep, this is still going. Clearly Nat Moore would be the agent played by Forrest Whitaker for reasons associated with his blackness and lazy eye, and Mic Hubert could be his white sidekick. I think I’ll stop now, but if you haven’t seen Bloodsport, I’d appreciate it if you never read this blog again. Bloodsport IV can currently be ordered on PPV; I haven’t seen it but I’m guessing they’ve gone the soft-core sequel route.
Yep, this is still going. Clearly Nat Moore would be the agent played by Forrest Whitaker for reasons associated with his blackness and lazy eye, and Mic Hubert could be his white sidekick. I think I’ll stop now, but if you haven’t seen Bloodsport, I’d appreciate it if you never read this blog again. Bloodsport IV can currently be ordered on PPV; I haven’t seen it but I’m guessing they’ve gone the soft-core sequel route.
What’s left to Ponder? FSU still sucks.
Hey, FSU, guess what. Nope, you’re not getting your wins back. Guess again. Yep! Your season is over. The rest of your games don’t matter. You could win the rest of your ACC games but we all know that an ACC championship is worthless as you proved in 2005 when your 5 loss team was good enough to run away with that conference. Just like every year, the announcers try to validate both teams because it’s always a close game but guess what, FSU. You lost at home to a mediocre team. What does that make you? There is a reason Mickey Andrews decided he was going to retire at the end of this season. I’m going out on a limb and crossing my fingers on this prediction. I think you are one game into a losing season. Just like I said Miami could now roll to 4 and 0 based on momentum and Bradford’s injury. If BYU makes the Noles 1 and 2, you can bank it. But look on the bright side; at least you have an offensive genius in waiting to take over for Bobby. How many of those final 5 plays did Jimbo draw up anyway?
Way to make a profound political statement, TP.
Congratulations to Ohio State. You now you officially have a quarterback that scares white America. Terrelle Pryor, are you kidding me? You put Michael Vick’s name on your eye black? Tebow puts scripture numbers, and you put Vick’s name? Are you going to start hanging out with Pacman Jones? That’s like an LSU player putting “David” on one eye and “Duke” on the other. It would be like a Gator player putting “Ron” and “Zook” under his eyes. Everybody could use a second chance but what’s next? We’ll probably have Pop Warner kids wearing “Chris” and “Brown” or “Orenthal” and “James” under their eyes.
Game Expectations
Well this week will look similar to last week’s but expect our players to be a bit more motivated. Troy should have some legitimate athletes on the field and they should keep our players honest. Expect a similar outcome based on our increased effort and discipline.
Obvious things to watch for this weekend…
Will our receivers catch the easy ones? 2 touchdowns were dropped last week and that can’t happen if we’re in the middle of a true test. Let’s hope these were a product of opening-game jitters or point shaving.
Will Tebow have to run at any point against Troy? I’d be concerned if they’re getting serious pressure on him and I’d be very surprised if there are any designed quarterback keepers before the Vols come to town for their fifth failed attempt in a row.
Some not so obvious things to watch for…
I’m banking on several interceptions by our defense this week. Troy didn’t run on Bowling Green last week, so I’m guessing they’ll do the same against the Gators; and when we know they’re throwing, our defensive backs will be catching.
This will hopefully be the first of two Trojan teams the Gators beat this year.
Game Prediction: UF 59 Troy 0
Random Thoughts of the Week
I was thinking this week about what happened to Tyrone Prothro against the Gators in 2005. It was tragic and gruesome. However similar injuries have happened to even greater and more beloved athletes. Follow the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFfx4f3aimQ
Must Watch Web
Based on the obvious success of the video you just watched above, I’m going to post awesome web videos up here when they come in.
Robert is Bothered: Jimmy Fallon’s show is no good but he’s still great at sketch comedy. I’d watch all of them.
http://www.robertisbothered.com/
Scoreboardicus!
The Pat Dooley Show: This ended up being way better than I expected. Drew Copeland of Sister Hazel is definitely a well-educated Gator fan as his interview will show. Drew Copeland tries to schedule shows around Gator games (see first blog about planning your social calendar around football games). Dooley’s also got some cool segments that a true Gator fan would really enjoy.
http://www.gatorsports.com/article/20090910/ARTICLES/909109975/1136?Title=Watch-the-Pat-Dooley-Show-only-on-GatorSports-com
Fact of the Week
Escort Service: After Florida dismantles Florida International later this season, the Gators will have played and defeated every current member of the Sun Belt Conference except North Texas since 1993. What’s the matter North Texas? You’d still be able to look your mom in the eyes after getting pimped out to the Gators. North Texas’s only game played against the Gators was a win in 1947.
Game Expectations
Well this week will look similar to last week’s but expect our players to be a bit more motivated. Troy should have some legitimate athletes on the field and they should keep our players honest. Expect a similar outcome based on our increased effort and discipline.
Obvious things to watch for this weekend…
Will our receivers catch the easy ones? 2 touchdowns were dropped last week and that can’t happen if we’re in the middle of a true test. Let’s hope these were a product of opening-game jitters or point shaving.
Will Tebow have to run at any point against Troy? I’d be concerned if they’re getting serious pressure on him and I’d be very surprised if there are any designed quarterback keepers before the Vols come to town for their fifth failed attempt in a row.
Some not so obvious things to watch for…
I’m banking on several interceptions by our defense this week. Troy didn’t run on Bowling Green last week, so I’m guessing they’ll do the same against the Gators; and when we know they’re throwing, our defensive backs will be catching.
This will hopefully be the first of two Trojan teams the Gators beat this year.
Game Prediction: UF 59 Troy 0
Random Thoughts of the Week
I was thinking this week about what happened to Tyrone Prothro against the Gators in 2005. It was tragic and gruesome. However similar injuries have happened to even greater and more beloved athletes. Follow the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFfx4f3aimQ
Must Watch Web
Based on the obvious success of the video you just watched above, I’m going to post awesome web videos up here when they come in.
Robert is Bothered: Jimmy Fallon’s show is no good but he’s still great at sketch comedy. I’d watch all of them.
http://www.robertisbothered.com/
Scoreboardicus!
The Pat Dooley Show: This ended up being way better than I expected. Drew Copeland of Sister Hazel is definitely a well-educated Gator fan as his interview will show. Drew Copeland tries to schedule shows around Gator games (see first blog about planning your social calendar around football games). Dooley’s also got some cool segments that a true Gator fan would really enjoy.
http://www.gatorsports.com/article/20090910/ARTICLES/909109975/1136?Title=Watch-the-Pat-Dooley-Show-only-on-GatorSports-com
Fact of the Week
Escort Service: After Florida dismantles Florida International later this season, the Gators will have played and defeated every current member of the Sun Belt Conference except North Texas since 1993. What’s the matter North Texas? You’d still be able to look your mom in the eyes after getting pimped out to the Gators. North Texas’s only game played against the Gators was a win in 1947.
Weekend Football Forecast
GT over Clemson, Stanford over Wake, Michigan over ND, Tenn over UCLA, UGA over SC, USC over OSU, Vandy over LSU*, Oregon over Purdue, and UF over Troy
*upset of the week
Last week’s record: 6-4 including the Gator game
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: VT
Big East: Cincinnati*
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Oklahoma State*
Pac 10: USC
BCS Buster: Notre Dame and Boise State*
*Changed prediction since last week
Heisman Dominos
This is a segment where I will predict the Heisman Trophy winner. Consider every single player in college football to be a domino. Each week dominos will fall until we have a winner.
Sam Bradford, you are the first one eliminated. Just like your Big 12 title, your Heisman trophy didn’t really belong to you anyway.
Terrelle Pryor, grab a seat and read above if you’re not sure why you’re eliminated.
Every player in the Big East, ACC, and Big 12 except for Colt McCoy and Dez Bryant, you are eliminated. Quit asking questions and please don’t make this about respect because I have none for you.
Every single defensive player in the country except Eric Berry and Brandon Spikes, you are eliminated. These are the only two defensive players with any real national hype but my guess is that they will be eliminated soon enough.
Offensive linemen, do we really need to get into this? Oh, you get it? Oh okay great then, take a seat next to the white wide receivers because they’re eliminated too.
I’m hearing some confusion in the back from the non BCS school players. There shouldn’t be any confusion about whether you were eliminated or not. You were never invited to sit at this table.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when another FSU player steals a cashier’s check and then bets on his own game. Until next time, go Gators!
The Voice of the Gators
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