The Cocktail Party weekend historically is crazy; so crazy it inspired a pivotal scene in the 1994 Best Picture, Forrest Gump. No this wasn’t a Bama football scene. It was the scene where Jenny is all coked up in that hotel. You thought it was Las Vegas! Oh no it was Jax Vegas! Don’t jump Jenny!
So the Florida Georgia weekend was glorious as expected and I was actually on pretty good behavior. I had to be after disclosing nagging wife details about the Cocktail Party in the previous blog. I was in the doghouse if you will. LOL! Also I’d like to congratulate my wife for not going 0 and 3 while attending the Florida Georgia game. She can continue attending the game and the marriage will hopefully stick until Riley Cooper’s baseball contract falls through and he shows up drunk at my house wearing nothing but torn Wranglers and that gold chain of his.
Tailgating was spectacular as everyone knows but the game was a bit more interesting. Our seats were good. Close enough to see Riley Cooper one hand that touchdown catch in the first half. If you were at the game, then you realize that I must have been sitting in the Georgia section. I must admit the UGA fans weren’t so bad. They were all fairly friendly and they took my overt and flagrant cockiness in stride. They also took Brandon Spikes’ fourth quarter interception for a touchdown in stride up the bleachers and out of the stadium. The Georgia faithful can no longer truly be called faithful. When your team takes a beating, you sit there and take it with them; that’s what true fans do. After we went up 14-0 I heard nothing but poor mouthing Georgia fans crying. F***ing Richt this and Mother F***ing Cox that. Prior to the game I overheard several Bulldogs already admitting defeat. Really Georgia fans? What the F*** is that about? I obviously can’t appreciate where you are coming from as I’ve had 3 miserable years in 20 and you’ve had 17. For the record those 3 miserable years were with Zook and he still beat you 2 out of 3 times. While I’m on the topic of Zook, I have a theory that he’s the Michael Scott of college football. Back to the Georgia fans.
I don’t want to make any statements about mentally challenged people but every year at this game I see a lot of retarded Georgia fans. Not drunk fans, retarded fans. I don’t know what it is exactly but my gut is telling me it’s all that cousin f***ing. I only mention this because there was a retarded Georgia fan standing in the aisle of our section. This guy was really going nuts the whole game. I don’t want to call him the retarded guy the whole time, so for the purposes of this story I’m going name him Quincy. Quincy was not only quite slow, but he was the worst type of Georgia fan. He was a woofer. Yes, we heard “woof woof woof, woof woof woof” for the ENTIRETY of the game. He didn’t just woof and bark, but he’d spout the most ridiculous shit you’ve ever heard in between his woofs. Not to continually bring up pro wrestling references, but the guy sounded like Macho Man Randy Savage. What was also quite special about his comments were that they were all in first person as if he was actually a bulldog.
“Woof Woof Woof Gators! I’m gonna get my owner to open up a can of Purina and feed it to me. But it’s not regular Purina, it’s made from Gators! Woof Woof Woof!”
Judging by Quincy the retard’s breath, I think he ate some cat shit out of the litter box shortly after his can of Purina.
Also, the Georgia fans were whining about the refs the whole game. After every single call for the Gators I heard jeers about calling it both ways. And after every call for the Dawgs I heard applause and people yelling, “It’s about time!” I can’t totally blame them however. I’d try to pass the blame onto someone else if the Gators put on novelty uniforms and then got backdoor’d by a much better team. As much as I want to see the Gators come out in the orange jerseys, I’m
glad Urban is keeping it simple and not needing stupid ploys to motivate his players. Although I must say that all black unconquered thing FSU was sporting a couple years ago against BC was pretty effective. Hey, FSU, who won that game? I forget, but the Noles are doing it again by unveiling brand new Nike Uniforms for their game against Maryland later that year. FSU could add an extra player on both sides of the ball in those new uniforms and they still wouldn’t beat Florida.Brandon Spikes made this week’s bonehead play. Dustin Doe was last week and he’s passed the torch to our defensive leader. I don’t have a huge problem with the whole eye gouging incident. The eye gouge was in the Nature Boy Ric Flair’s repertoire for decades as he won 17 world heavyweight championships so let’s not cast stones just yet. Stuff happens in the pile but Spikes did go overboard. He needed to be punished; however I don’t like Urban’s response. A half game suspension is such a joke in any circumstance. Why not make a stipulation then? Spikes will be suspended for the second half of a game where the Gators are trailing or have a lead of less than 10 points at halftime. There’s a punishment. What is the first half against Vandy really sacrificing? The suspension looked really stupid and that’s why Urban upped it to 1 game which makes him look even worse for flip flopping.
All in all it was a great weekend and the Gators won 41-17. Did I just say 41-17? No way I could have predicted the score perfectly in last week’s blog. Oh but I did. I didn’t think the game would be a total domination but we finally clicked offensively as I said we would. I have been right about a few big things this year and so I am going to brag for a few moments. I was right about USC sucking this year and the prison yard beating they took against the Ducks proves that. I’m nearly right about my prediction of FSU’s losing season. Road games against Wake, Clemson, and UF make their final stretch look very amusing for us Gator fans. Hey, to be really specific, I predicted that FSU would lose to USF. That happened. I’m feeling so good about my 
predictive ability that I’m thinking of predicting other important things. I’m not sure this site is ready for a celebrity death pool but if it were, and if I’m allowed to classify pro wrestlers as “celebrities,” then I’m sure I’d be right yet again. RIP Vader, you’re next. “Woof Woof Woof! It’s Vader Time! Woof Woof Woof!”One thing that has been amazing about this college football season has been the plethora of college football programming. There are about 200 FSN channels that show college football, ESPNU has college football shows, CBS has their own college sports network, and even local news is beefing
things up with Gator post game shows. College football is everywhere and in most cases that’s a good thing. One case where it’s an awful thing is FSN South’s SEC Gridiron Live. This show makes me want to hold a press conference and put a gun in my mouth. It’s that bad. It’s not 18 Kids and Counting bad; it’s park my car in the garage and leave it running bad. Their hosts can’t read their lines, David Pollock’s rather douchey, and in general the show reeks of ESPN mimicry. It’s bound to get cancelled. I don’t even think a Cassidy Hubbarth keyhole video with Les Miles and Nick Saban wearing nothing but gag balls while being tied up to a hotel bed could drum up enough interest to keep SEC Gridiron Live presented by O’Charleys on the air.What I’m about to say is going to make several of you hate me or you’ll think I’m an idiot. Here goes. Oregon should be ranked ahead of Boise State. This is not an opinion but a fact. Boise beat Oregon but that doesn’t make them better. Was Ole Miss better than UF last year? No way in hell just like Utah wasn’t actually better than Bama last season. Who cares about fair anymore in college football? It’s never fair so why should it start now. I know I’ve ragged on USC but there is something to be said about a team being confident enough to run it up on them. In this new era of USC dominance, that type of win over the Trojans has been unheard of. For the Ducks to be that confident to slam the door on USC is impressive and shows mental toughness. If they played Boise again, they’d win handedly. If Texas and Iowa lose, the Gators beat LSU, and the top 3 teams are UF, a 1 loss Oregon, and an undefeated Boise St. team, my vote is with Oregon. Sure I’m an elitist but until Boise gets out of that colostomy bag of a conference, they don’t deserve any BCS recognition.
Guess what, FSU fans! Bobby Bowden is choosing your next defensive coordinator with input from Jimbo Fisher! Mickey Andrews just held a press conference about his retirement (that we already knew about) in the middle of the season. Something smells funny. I know I’m not the only one thinking this but this is the most transparent plot ever. Bobby reminds me of a high school boy grinning and quickly looking down both sides of the hallway as he’s about to pull the fire alarm. Bobby is going to hire Chuck Amato and Jimbo is going to deal with it for at least his first season. The deal has been cut; you can take it to the bank. Bobby didn’t like that Jimbo wasn’t going to hire that raspy-voiced-f***,Amato, so he staged a pointless press conference with Mickey Andrews to give him a reason to talk about hiring a new defensive coordinator. Everything I’ve heard about Jimbo’s new contract would give him all hiring power starting this off season so Bobby now has the opportunity to seal the deal for Chuck before Jimbo has a say. Bobby can’t let go; he has to keep Chuck in the program like his own personal puppet so he can still try to manipulate the team he lost control of when Marc Richt left in 2000. “Woof Woof Woof! I’m going to eat what’s in Bobby’s diaper! Woof Woof Woof!” Take it easy Quincy, that’s nasty.
TV Review: Friday Night Lights premiered its 4th season last Wednesday on Direct TV and they
did it in spectacular fashion. I don’t want to give any details away for any fans waiting for the 2010 NBC premier but the show has not lost any momentum from last season. There are new characters replacing old ones and Landry is somehow only a senior now which makes me smile as the writers have taken several creative liberties to keep characters playing for the Panthers for the sake of the show. Key characters Tim Riggins and Matt Saracen are also back. When you thought things couldn’t get much worse for Matt Saracen, the writers kicked him in the face yet again giving this sad-faced puppy dog one more reason to cry in the shower.My initial concern for this season was Coach Taylor’s new job at East Dillon High but the plot line hooks you in early and you’ll be rooting against the Panthers and wishing NBC.com sold East Dillon Lions shirts five minutes into the episode. If you are football fan or just love great acting and sharp writing, go rent seasons 1-3 and get ready for season 4 when NBC debuts it early next year. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Episode Grade: A.
Moving onto what we all want to hear about this week: The Commodores. The Commodores played a spectacular reunion concert at 2 PM last Sunday at the High Springs Armory and I was privileged enough to be in attendance. I’ve enjoyed the Commodores for the past few decades and I must say that it doesn’t get any better than when they play “Brick House” live. “Woof Woof Woof! Black disco singers are afraid of us! Woof Woof Woof!”
Game Prediction: Florida 49 Vandy 3
Random Thought of the Week
Am I the only one who scrolls through the cable channel menu on a regular basis to get excited when I see “The Game.” I’m like, “Awesome, Michael Douglas and Sean Penn in a David Fincher thriller. Lets click on it! Wait, what is this show on BET with all these people who look much darker than Michael Douglas?”
Michael Jordan’s son (I’m pretty sure that’s his full name) cost UCF a 3 million dollar apparel deal with Adidas by wearing Air Jordan sneakers in their game. This kid is just like his dad. He wears Air Jordans just like pops. The next thing you know he’ll be throwing an NBA playoff series against the Nicks to pay off mob gambling debts, change his mind after going down 0-2 and then get his dad murdered in the process. Like father like son.
Must Watch Web
Fire in the Hole! This is the second week in a row I’m referencing Daniel Tosh from Comedy Central’s Tosh.0. However on last week’s show he opened my eyes to an amazing web phenomenon known as “fire in the hole” videos. These videos are of people who order drinks and milkshakes from the drive through and then yell, “fire in the hole” as they throw them back at the cashier. So wrong yet so right.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/24461/
Fact of the Week
84% of female Gator fans claim to be menstruating during Florida Georgia weekend.
“Woof Woof Woof! I’m going to eat whatever you put in the garbage! I mean anything! Woof Woof!” Oh Quincy, that’s over the line.
Weekend Football Forecast
My slap in the face pick goes to Connecticut over Cincinnati. I don’t really hate you, Cincinnati,
but this is the best I could come up with this week. Expect UConn to be more motivated than usual on account of Cincy’s high ranking. Don’t forget that this is the unpredictable Big East and turnovers could start happening, making this game sloppier than Diana Taurasi taking a field sobriety test. Also the Huskies have had close losses all year so a season-making win over the Bearcats is definitely plausible.Last week’s record: 6-2.
Arkansas over South Carolina, LSU over Alabama, Ohio State over Penn St., Clemson over FSU, Oklahoma over Nebraska,
Season Record: 46-38
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: GT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: Oregon*
BCS Buster: Notre Dame and Boise State
*Changed pick since last week
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when an FSU kicker drops GHB into a girl’s drink at Bullwinkles. Until next time, go Gators!
The Voice of the Gators
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