Homecoming has arrived and it’s time to get drunk. Unfortunately the regime of Bernie has tamed the Gator Nation to the point that we get excited when we see the latest Gator Nation commercial. The times have quickly changed. I encourage you to get liquored up this weekend and relive good times at Homecoming. Run the Gallop Drunk, shout drunken slurs at the parade, keep it going at Growl and boo OAR because you don’t know any of their songs, rally, keep it going till 3-4 in the morning, wake up at 11 (doesn’t matter where you wake up), keep it going till 3:15 and make your way into the game and desperately try not to get arrested.
Gator Growl seems to be more inflated than usual this year. I love that Dana Carvey is coming but it seems that these college kids running this show just want to blow money. O.A.R. and Jabbawockeez are a huge waste of money. In fact bands in general are a huge waste of money for Gator Growl. Bands work in stadiums when they can connect with the audience either through their amazing anthems (Skynyrd) or when they people are allowed on the field. What about Sugar Ray makes you want to cheer for the Gators? What about Steve Miller Band makes you want to get excited? Skynyrd had anthems and who doesn’t get the chills during the Free Bird solo? This year will be interesting because you either love O.A.R. or your don’t know any of their songs. Unfortunately I think most people won’t know who they are and why they’re at a pep rally. However you can maybe make the most of this year’s Growl. You can get loaded and do your best Jabbawockeez impression as you hold back your vomit. 
I complain because I love Growl. I think that it is a truly unique, underrated and underappreciated college experience. As a kid my dad would tell me loads of stories about getting trashed and getting into fights at Growl. Growl used to be filthy dirty and taking your kids was completely out of the question. I guess back in the day parents actually did some parenting.
I have two notable alcohol related Gator Growl stories. The first comes as my time in college was winding down. It was Growl 2004 and Dane Cook just killed at the Swamp. You know who else was killing? Me and my flask. When someone buys you an engraved flask for your birthday, you have an obligation to them, your family, and God to use it like a man. My buddies and I were passing my flask around like a girl at Pike after Growl. We were loaded after that show. After somehow arriving home we opted that it was a good idea to order some Dominos. At least I think we ordered Dominos; Dominos did however show up as my remaining buddies were passed out sitting upright on my garage sale couch.. I paid for the pizza, and only two of us actually managed to eat 1 slice before we were again passed out in the same upright sitting position. Cue morning as we were still asleep sitting up. I wake to the sound of my cat whining. I look around confused. Evidently we ordered pizza. Taking a closer look at the pizza I realized that all of the sauce and cheese was missing from this corpse of a pie. In the middle of the night, my obese and slightly retarded cat had managed to eat all of the sauce and cheese only to leave us the crust. The whining we awoke to was his sheer pain as he unloaded the demon inside him into the litter box. Ah Growl.
The second story was my first Gator Growl when I was in high school. I had just gotten my learner’s permit so I really didn’t know how to drive. My dad and I drove into town as soon as I got out of school and were ready to meet up with my brother and his dorm buddies. Before we met up however, my dad had to get his flask ready. Let me tell you, his flask was 3 times as big as mine from the previous story, and spoiler alert, he doesn’t share his with anyone. After loading the flask and stuffing it into his rolled up Members Only jacket, we were ready to walk to Growl.
The 1998 Growl lineup was unknown at the time but killer now. Larry the Cable Guy was the host, Carlos Mencia was the first comic, Dave Chappelle the 2nd, and Ray Romano the headliner. Everything leading up to Romano was awesome. My dad was somehow behaved despite making an impressive dent in his two liter bottle he called a flask. The skits were really funny and unbelievably abusive toward Peyton Manning who was in his first year in the NFL. Larry the Cable Guy made NASCAR and tampon jokes, Mencia did his Taco Bell dog jokes, and Chapelle was awesome as you’d expect. Everything was going fine and my dad was the fun kind of drunk, only slightly invading my personal space.
Ray Romano is about to come on stage and I notice that my dad is no longer drinking. Whew, what a relief. I felt like the pilot in Almost Famous when they stop their free fall, “I think we’re gonna make it!” I guess he was finally hitting the wall and ready to call it a night. Not a chance, the only reason he stopped drinking was because he finished all of the bourbon in that construction cooler he called a flask. When I saw he was finished I knew immediately that Ray Romano was finished too. He was like a deer in the headlights the moment he stepped on stage and my dad sensed it. My father’s eyes grew wide and they looked filled with a new sense of purpose.
Ray Romano was his and he knew it. Everyone in the audience seemed to want to give him a chance but my dad would not let that happen. I don’t remember specifically what the first slip up was but my dad pounced with a showering of boos usually reserved for bad guy wrestlers facing Hulk Hogan. My dad may have even been squeezing his nose with one hand and giving a thumbs down with the other as he assaulted Raymond with jeers. The boos picked up and they started to catch on. Ray Romano was tanking. A gentlemen a few rows ahead of us tried to tell my dad to be quiet, when my dad responded with a “f*** that, this guy sucks. Boo!” It was becoming uncomfortable. The guy tried to tell my dad that he has his kids with him. To that my dad responded with, “Who brings their F***ing kids to Growl?” The guy was fuming inside and it was quite comical. He stopped asking my dad to stop as he realized engaging the beast was only making it worse. Plus I’m pretty sure my dad was looking for a fight at this point. Somehow the cops managed to only circulate in the general area of the scene. Still my dad found it appropriate to shout and call them pigs from a safe distance. Ah Growl.Now I became my dad’s baby sitter. As we were walking out of the show I quickly realized I was going to have to drive back to the hotel. To think the criticism a standup comic got from my dad, how would he treat a first time learners permit driver? I remember getting him into the car. No way was I going to have him in the front seat with me. This would have been comparable to
Wayne from the Wonder Years harassing Kevin while driving. My inner Daniel Stern monologue would have been working overtime. I got myself into the driver’s seat as my dad was taking off his shoes and socks and simultaneously lighting a cigar in the back. I looked at the controls of the car and realized I was in a bit of trouble. I had never driven this car, ever. It was an antique Mercedes and I didn’t have the slightest idea about turning the lights on. Like when Ray Romano walked on stage, I was a deer in the headlights and my dad was still bloodthirsty, puffing his cigar in the backseat. “What’s the matter up there? Don’t you know how to drive?”“Dad, how do you turn the lights on?”
“How should I know, I’m drunk!”
My dad finally mustered the cognitive ability to tell me how to turn the lights on and we got moving on the ride from hell.
Any minor slipup or question I asked my dad about the car was met with an unbelievable onslaught of demeaning comments about my ability to drive a car. Finally arriving at our sorry excuse for a hotel we made our way back to our room. On our way back and in the elevator my dad felt there was no need to extinguish his cigar. A hotel manager met us in the elevator and tried to tell my dad that he could not smoke in an elevator. My dad replied with, “You can do whatever you want in this piece of sh** hotel.” The manager took that cue to leave the situation alone and we made our way to the room.
Upon arrival I went to the bathroom and had one of those teenage angst moments where I looked at myself in the mirror and questioned who I was. My dad had me thinking there was nothing in that mirror to be proud about after the car ride. I came back into the room and dropped to the bed ready to pass out. Not my dad. He pounced on the phone book and flipped through it so quickly you would have thought he had the Dominos page bookmarked. Like a surgeon he made his Dominos orders and two large pieces somehow quickly arrived to our room. My dad convinced me we had to eat it all as we did not have a refrigerator in the room and that would have been a huge waste. Finally we passed out with a large pizza in both of our bellies. He got to relive his college days and I got my first taste of what UF could be like. I was hooked and I knew from that night on, I was definitely going to be a Gator.
That brings us to this year. If you are not going to Growl, you are not a Gator. Growl is a truly unique college football experience. If you can’t muster up the effort to make it to this year’s show, I question your loyalty to the Gators. This is the most decorated senior class in Gator History. One day they will make a movie about this group of Gators (future segment to come, I promise).
When you go to this year’s Growl, you better cheer for all of the senior players and not just Tebow. Obviously it’s going to be a gusher when Tebow comes on stage. Urban will probably cry and so will you. However they all deserve a great ovation and that’s what we need to give them.
Also this year’s Growl brings a fairly unique experience in that the game is not a typical gimmie. Arkansas is coming off of a huge win and to be honest, it smells a little bit like Ole Miss from last year.
Game Expectations
Arkansas does not have the personnel to push us around and so we will score a lot and they won’t. This game last year was Chris Rainey’s and Jeff Demp’s coming out party and I don’t expect the Razorbacks to be able to contain them yet again.
Obvious things to watch for this weekend…
How will our defense respond to such an explosive aerial attack? Alabama kept them contained and I expect us to do the same but will we be as effective?
Some not so obvious things to watch for…
What will we do with all of the time of possession we will surely get tomorrow? They will throw on most downs and we will stop them on most downs thus giving us the ball more than usual. Will we simply run out the clock like at LSU or will run the score up? The voters and analysts love Alabama more than us right now because we’re underachieving and they beat Va Tech. This will be our second common opponent with Bama so expect Urban to silence the critics, if he can.
Game Prediction: Florida 41 Arkansas 10
Random Thought of the Week
Had Bobby Bowden retired 10 years ago, Robert Duvall would have probably played him in a big budget motion picture. Now I think Brian Dennehy would play Bobby in a straight to ESPN POS about the SOW.
Random Thought of the Week
Had Bobby Bowden retired 10 years ago, Robert Duvall would have probably played him in a big budget motion picture. Now I think Brian Dennehy would play Bobby in a straight to ESPN POS about the SOW.
Must Watch Web
Maybe Gator Growl should have brought the Whip Master instead of the Jabbawockeez http://www.clipstr.com/videos/BillMurrayAsTheWhipMasterSNL/
Fact of the Week
USF beat FSU 3 weeks ago.
2 divided by 6 is .3333333. That’s FSU’s winning percentage.
Weekend Football Forecast
Slap in the face pick of the week: UCF over Miami. This will never ever happen but the fact that you have to play at UCF is so embarrassing. For a dynasty, no one really cares about you, Miami. You could end your football program and I don’t think anyone who loves college football tradition would think twice about it.
Last week’s record: 4-4.
Picks: Texas over OU, USC over ND, Va Tech over GT, Bama over SC (potentially close), UGA over Vandy, Iowa over Wisconsin
Season Record: 30-28
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: VT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: USC
BCS Buster: Notre Dame and Boise State
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when FSU can claim they didn’t lose this weekend without having a bye week. Until next time, go Gators!
The Voice of the Gators
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