I'm not sure if this back stage at Raw or in SCbut I'm pretty sure both are wearing speedos.
It’s hard to believe that this is the 20th season since Steve Spurrier began coaching for the Gators. Time has slipped by in a good way. Urban Meyer came to the University of Florida with the potential to stir the pot like Spurrier. Urban hasn’t been bullet proof in the media but he hasn’t been the quote machine that Spurrier was. Urban, it would totally be fine for you to speak your mind. You’re a winner. Kiffin doesn’t get a pass because he’s yet to separate himself from Vandy. Yes that’s right; he has not won a game in the SEC and has an identical record to Vandy. So, Urban, talk some trash, it’s okay.
If you don’t miss Spurrier just a little bit, you’re not being honest with yourself. Sometimes it seemed that anything he did would piss people off. My fondest memory of people hating on Spurrier had to do with his final game against Maryland in the Orange Bowl. People were beside themselves because he benched Rex for Brock Berlin. They felt he was trying to keep Brock around so he wouldn’t transfer to Miami. No matter what you felt about Spurrier’s decision, I’m sure you’ll be able to agree with what I’m about to tell you.
On my way down to Miami that year for the game, I was listening to some sports talk radio show. I was with some college buddies and I’m pretty sure we were already drinking. The radio show was discussing Spurrier’s decision to bench Grossman for Brock and they were taking calls from the listeners. Here’s the transcript of one of those calls.
Host: You’re on the air.
Caller: Thanks, Bill. You can’t trust Spurrier. They shouldn’t call him Steve Spurrier. They should call him Steve Snakier.
Awkward Pause
Caller: Because he’s sneaky
More Awkward Pause
Caller: like a snake.
Host: Thanks for your call. Ryan, you’re on the air in Miami…
Never have I seen 3 human beings more disgusted and offended. Everyone in the car just looked at each other for a few brief moments in hateful disbelief. Did that really just happen? It probably looked similar to the scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent accidentally blows that guy’s head off in the car, but there wasn’t any blood on the back windshield because the blood was boiling in our stomachs. The thoughts racing through my head at that moment cannot be shared in this blog. We weren’t mad that he was talking bad about Spurrier; everyone did back then. Steve Snakier? I mean really? That was this guy’s comment that he had to call in and share with the country? Sneaky like a snake? Who wouldn’t be disgusted? The kicker is, the guy was really proud of himself like he just got a 10 out of 10 on a third grade spelling test. He changed out “Spur” with “Snake” and felt the need to tell the country. I hope the eternity you spend in hell was worth it.
Meanwhile we’re in the car talking about why this guy doesn’t deserve to be alive. I remember desperately listening to the show waiting for them to give out their call-in number so I could call in and give my rebuttal. I had to be heard. The number never came, and now I will never be whole until I can look that coward in the eye and make him apologize and then beg for mercy.
Since then my friends and I have discussed this story several times at length. What would we do if we met this guy? What would I say to him? Even people who weren’t there that have heard me tell this story can’t believe someone would actually say that on the radio. If I did catch this guy, I’d set up a meeting with him and Spurrier. I’d make him get on his knees and kiss Spurrier’s 96 championship ring. Then I may release a black mamba out of a briefcase or just make him watch video of every single Ron Zook press conference and make him take a shot of bourbon every time the Zooker excitedly stutters.
This story is probably out there in other circles because if anyone heard this guy that fateful day on the radio, they most certainly hate him. End of story. This guy also probably told all of his friends about his side of things. He probably talked about how the host laughed and then other people called in and remarked about how witty it was and then his friends told him, “Hey man, that’s pretty cool.” Well I got news for you Steve Snakier Guy. It’s not cool. I have no doubt our paths will cross and when they do, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do. If you know who this “person” is, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com with his name, the names of his immediate family members, and his personal phone number so I can speak with him directly. If you are this person, I’d like a formal apology in writing.
If you don’t miss Spurrier just a little bit, you’re not being honest with yourself. Sometimes it seemed that anything he did would piss people off. My fondest memory of people hating on Spurrier had to do with his final game against Maryland in the Orange Bowl. People were beside themselves because he benched Rex for Brock Berlin. They felt he was trying to keep Brock around so he wouldn’t transfer to Miami. No matter what you felt about Spurrier’s decision, I’m sure you’ll be able to agree with what I’m about to tell you.
On my way down to Miami that year for the game, I was listening to some sports talk radio show. I was with some college buddies and I’m pretty sure we were already drinking. The radio show was discussing Spurrier’s decision to bench Grossman for Brock and they were taking calls from the listeners. Here’s the transcript of one of those calls.
Host: You’re on the air.
Caller: Thanks, Bill. You can’t trust Spurrier. They shouldn’t call him Steve Spurrier. They should call him Steve Snakier.
Awkward Pause
Caller: Because he’s sneaky
More Awkward Pause
Caller: like a snake.
Host: Thanks for your call. Ryan, you’re on the air in Miami…
Never have I seen 3 human beings more disgusted and offended. Everyone in the car just looked at each other for a few brief moments in hateful disbelief. Did that really just happen? It probably looked similar to the scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent accidentally blows that guy’s head off in the car, but there wasn’t any blood on the back windshield because the blood was boiling in our stomachs. The thoughts racing through my head at that moment cannot be shared in this blog. We weren’t mad that he was talking bad about Spurrier; everyone did back then. Steve Snakier? I mean really? That was this guy’s comment that he had to call in and share with the country? Sneaky like a snake? Who wouldn’t be disgusted? The kicker is, the guy was really proud of himself like he just got a 10 out of 10 on a third grade spelling test. He changed out “Spur” with “Snake” and felt the need to tell the country. I hope the eternity you spend in hell was worth it.
Meanwhile we’re in the car talking about why this guy doesn’t deserve to be alive. I remember desperately listening to the show waiting for them to give out their call-in number so I could call in and give my rebuttal. I had to be heard. The number never came, and now I will never be whole until I can look that coward in the eye and make him apologize and then beg for mercy.
Since then my friends and I have discussed this story several times at length. What would we do if we met this guy? What would I say to him? Even people who weren’t there that have heard me tell this story can’t believe someone would actually say that on the radio. If I did catch this guy, I’d set up a meeting with him and Spurrier. I’d make him get on his knees and kiss Spurrier’s 96 championship ring. Then I may release a black mamba out of a briefcase or just make him watch video of every single Ron Zook press conference and make him take a shot of bourbon every time the Zooker excitedly stutters.
This story is probably out there in other circles because if anyone heard this guy that fateful day on the radio, they most certainly hate him. End of story. This guy also probably told all of his friends about his side of things. He probably talked about how the host laughed and then other people called in and remarked about how witty it was and then his friends told him, “Hey man, that’s pretty cool.” Well I got news for you Steve Snakier Guy. It’s not cool. I have no doubt our paths will cross and when they do, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do. If you know who this “person” is, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com with his name, the names of his immediate family members, and his personal phone number so I can speak with him directly. If you are this person, I’d like a formal apology in writing.
This weekend I saw the Michigan versus Michigan State game highlights on Sportscenter and saw that the winning team was awarded the Paul Bunyan Trophy. Then I started to think about all of that Big 10 tradition. It seems like every game has its own trophy. The Paul Bunyan Trophy, The Paul Bunyan Axe, Paul Bunyan’s Wife’s Tampon (I think that’s a big 10 ladies basketball trophy), The Oaken Bucket, The Little Brown Jug, and the list goes on. Outside of the Big 10 they have similar trophies that don’t seem to have the same importance. For example Florida and Miami play for The Seminole War Canoe Trophy. I know; I really don’t care either. Why not really spice up some of the rivalries around the country with some socially relevant trophies? Here’s my list of some trophies that rivals should compete for each year.
UF vs. FSU: The Battle over Terry Shiavo’s Living Will (went there)
Florida vs. Georgia: The Battle for the Golden Stomach Pump
UF vs. Miami: The Battle over Brock Berlin’s Bronze Douche Bag
Miami vs. FSU: The Battle for early season legitimacy only to always be derailed by reality
UF vs. Tennessee: The Battle for the Peyton Manning Cup. Even when UT occasionally
does beat us, they’ll be pleasantly reminded that Peyton Manning never did.
UF vs. South Carolina: The Battle for Ric Flair’s Tanning Bed
UCF vs. USF: The Battle for 3rd place in the state of Florida. That’s right, FSU. Remember 2 weeks ago when you lost to USF? Ah memories.
Yes this makes me want to throw up too. FSU sucks
but that doesn't mean USF is now legit.
Alabama vs. Auburn: The Battle over Nathan Bedford Forrest’s Cross
FAMU vs. BCC: The Battle over Uncle Tom’s Cabin
Ole Miss vs. Miss St.: The Battle for…well you got the picture with the Bama Auburn joke.
South Carolina vs. Notre Dame: The Battle for Lou Holtz’s Remains
Vandy vs. Kentucky: The Battle for the SEC’s Village Bicycle
USC vs. UCLA: The Battle over Reggie Bush’s Mom’s House
USC vs. Buffalo: The Battle for O.J.’s Bronze Buck Knife
Notre Dame vs. Michigan: The Battle over Charlie Weis’s Golden Gastric Bypass Ring
Oregon vs. Oregon State: The Battle for the Ford the River Trophy (Oregon Trail reference).
For the record I played the Oregon Trail online in order to get this screen shot. I never remember being able to go on a suicide mission playing this game in elementary school. I actually tried to win. This game tries to keep you alive. Why didn’t the Indians just mind their own business? No, they had to help me find food. I wanted Joey Harrington dead!FSU, remember when you lost to Miami? Yes, I predicted that you were 1 game into a losing season. GT is not very good and you are probably going to lose to them at home. At least you’re signing Jimbo to a five year deal. That was such a coup. You totally hired an amazing coach from LSU. Let’s look at his numbers coaching against some quality opponents at LSU in 2006. Your offense was amazing considering you were coaching a future overall number 1 quarterback in Jamarcus Russell and future first round wide receiver Dwayne Bowe. Oh wait your offense could only score against inept defenses. The two losses your team had that season came because your offense couldn’t produce. You lost 7-3 to Auburn and 23-10 to Florida. That doesn’t sound like a big coupe for FSU. LSU’s defense was winning games especially with Nick Saban. Your job was to not mess it up. End of Story. Now that you have a bit of freedom, guess what you’ve been doing. Messing it up. FSU, I’m not excited for you to be good again but it’s not that hard to figure out what you need to do? Fire Jimbo and pay him off. You got yourself into that mess with the coach in waiting situation, now make the smart move and end it. Unload a boat load of money at Cincinnati’s Brian Kelly’s house or Chris Peterson from Boise State. Either option is better than a proven producer of mediocrity named Jimbo. You will fire Jimbo within his first three years, I promise you that. This situation isn’t like when Spurrier left Florida. Bowden’s shadow is not looming so large anymore. You could get the next Urban Meyer but we know that’s not going to happen because you’ve put all your eggs in one basket. Just because a guy was involved with a national championship (that I don’t recognize) doesn’t mean he’s a good hire. Defense won that championship at LSU and terrible offense is why the 2009 Noles will have a losing record.
All this talk about LSU and terrible offense has me really excited about this weekend’s match up. Never have I seen so much hype for one game. CBS hasn’t been this thankful for one person’s head injury since they aired Regarding Henry in primetime back in the mid nineties.
Game Expectations
I really expect Florida to turn it up in Baton Rouge. I obviously expect a win and the defense should be the reason. I think our offense will be good enough for at least 28 but I honestly think 17 would do the trick with no problems.
Obvious things to watch for this weekend…
Will he or won’t he? It won’t matter if the Teebs plays or not. Like I said I expect our defense to victimize the inept Tiger offense. In all reality this game shouldn’t be a story because the Tigers should have lost to Miss State and UGA. However I’m thankful for the extra motivation their ranking will give our players. If Tebow doesn’t play, expect a really awesome pep talk from him on the sidelines which will probably be turned into another plaque to be posted outside Florida Field. Our team will play for Tebow if he’s in the game or on the sideline. They might be even more motivated for him so they don’t blow the perfect season if he can’t go.
Some not so obvious things to watch for…
If Tebow does play, will they get JB some real playing time? I don’t think this would be a bad idea especially if our defense is rolling.
Will our running backs be able to produce like they have against mediocre talent? If they start early, this game will be over early. If Tebow doesn’t go, I’d definitely try to run some wildcat with Moody. He could easily rattle off Tebow-type runs in that formation and then some. With our defense, we can shut the door on LSU by halftime and really get Brantley some quality minutes assuming we don’t turn the ball over too frequently.
Also if Tebow plays will he run the ball the same way he did against Kentucky? He was like a tap dancer out there slipping through defenders and juking Wildcats without any problems.
All this talk about LSU and terrible offense has me really excited about this weekend’s match up. Never have I seen so much hype for one game. CBS hasn’t been this thankful for one person’s head injury since they aired Regarding Henry in primetime back in the mid nineties.
Game Expectations
I really expect Florida to turn it up in Baton Rouge. I obviously expect a win and the defense should be the reason. I think our offense will be good enough for at least 28 but I honestly think 17 would do the trick with no problems.
Obvious things to watch for this weekend…
Will he or won’t he? It won’t matter if the Teebs plays or not. Like I said I expect our defense to victimize the inept Tiger offense. In all reality this game shouldn’t be a story because the Tigers should have lost to Miss State and UGA. However I’m thankful for the extra motivation their ranking will give our players. If Tebow doesn’t play, expect a really awesome pep talk from him on the sidelines which will probably be turned into another plaque to be posted outside Florida Field. Our team will play for Tebow if he’s in the game or on the sideline. They might be even more motivated for him so they don’t blow the perfect season if he can’t go.
Some not so obvious things to watch for…
If Tebow does play, will they get JB some real playing time? I don’t think this would be a bad idea especially if our defense is rolling.
Will our running backs be able to produce like they have against mediocre talent? If they start early, this game will be over early. If Tebow doesn’t go, I’d definitely try to run some wildcat with Moody. He could easily rattle off Tebow-type runs in that formation and then some. With our defense, we can shut the door on LSU by halftime and really get Brantley some quality minutes assuming we don’t turn the ball over too frequently.
Also if Tebow plays will he run the ball the same way he did against Kentucky? He was like a tap dancer out there slipping through defenders and juking Wildcats without any problems.
Game Prediction: Florida 38 LSU 10
Random Thought of the Week
Somehow I don’t think that a Holly Rowe keyhole video would have drummed up as much media attention as the Erin Andrews video. For the record, you know you’d watch.
Tim Tebow is a great guy, but for the
record I think this is a sympathy interview.
Must Watch Web
This is more like, must play web. This is the site with the Oregon Trail Emulator. I played as Les Miles and then as Tim Tebow. Guess what Les. You’re screwed this Saturday. I tried my best to kill off Tim Tebow. He’s like the Terminator of the great frontier. He could get to the end of the Oregon Trail pulling his wagon from a wheelchair. What do you think he’s going to do this Saturday? You’ll be drowning by halftime. 
http://www.virtualapple.org/oregontraildisk.html
Fact of the Week
LSU has the 82nd best offense in the country.
The Gators are giving up 7.25 points a game on defense.
Tiger Stadium at night doesn’t turn chicken shit into chicken salad.
Weekend Football Forecast
BC over Va Tech. That’s right Va Tech, you’re up this week. I think you get way too much credit. You beat Miami, hooray. You also got thumped by the only real team you played this year.
Now everyone thinks Miami is so good because they snuck by the Sooners? OU lost to BYU! This is the same team that FSU had a non-consenting conjugal visit with.
Va Tech, you snuck by Duke last week and I think you’re a little bit full of yourself with that top 10 ranking.
Last week’s record: 1-9. I’m embarrassed over last week’s record. It was pitiful. I think I was getting a little bit too cute with my picks after predicting some really good early season upsets. See Tim Tebow’s speech and you’ll get the gist of my sorrow. However I did have one pick correct, and that was BC over FSU so at the end of the day I came out a winner.
Picks: Nebraska over Missouri, Auburn over Arkansas, UGA over Tenn, Bama over Ole Miss, GT over FSU (reluctantly but why not), Miss St. over Houston
Season Record: 26-24
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: VT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: USC
BCS Buster: Notre Dame and Boise State
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when FSU fires Jimbo Fisher. Until next time, go Gators!
The Voice of the Gators
No comments:
Post a Comment