Hey, Florida State fans, I’m going to get right down to the point. You are garbage. I’ll talk about your football team in just a minute, but right now I want to talk about you. Why did it have to come to this? For the past 9 seasons, you kept trying to fool the country and yourselves. I can’t get over the flamboyance. Was it so hard to face reality? Don’t tell me that bogus ACC title in 2005 really had you believing that you were still an elite program. Mark Furman could have convinced every African American in LA County to vote for John McCain before you could have convinced a knowledgeable college football fan that you have a good football team.Was it so hard to realize that a 7 and 6 season is not the exception but the rule? It only took us 1 year of Zook to face reality, so why has it taken you 9? Here’s another reality check for you. You weren’t really all that great in the 90s but merely a product of your conference schedule. Also it’s not that hard to realize that your credibility left with Mark Richt. Were you afraid to tell people? Were you waiting for the right time? It’s a difficult decision to make. I bet your male
baton twirler from a few years back faced a similar challenge when confronted with the reality of no longer being able to keep a big secret from his friends and family. However he was a male baton twirler. Everyone knew, just like most people have known that your program is in shambles. So why didn’t you tell?You were scared, weren’t you? The Gators outed you five years in a row but somehow you kept telling people otherwise. Saturday when you lost to USF, you picked up your baton and I expect you to twirl it like hell for the next ten years. Be proud of who you really are.
But why, FSU? Why did you have to let USF out you? Why couldn’t you have let Jackson State take away that burden? Did it have to be USF? Now we get to listen to their fans talk about how they’re a legitimate program for the next five years. This is obviously not the case because you have to beat a legitimate program to be a legitimate program.
There’s no turning back now, FSU. You’re out. Exposed. You could win the rest of the games this season but it won’t matter. You lost to USF and there’s no turning back from that.
Now on to matters dealing with legitimate football programs. Many people thought my blog from Sunday was offensive. I posted the link in a message board with the title, “Thank God Tim Tebow doesn’t Wear Christopher Reeve’s Pajamas.” That was the original title of the blog, which has since been changed. On that same message board I heard comments ranging from me being the most despicable person in the world to it being the lowest thing anyone has ever posted on that board. I then realized that I was certainly offending some people so I changed the title of my blog. I certainly don’t want to offend people but it’s obviously going to happen. Still I do have an issue here. My issue is with people who actually get offended. What I said wasn’t exactly doing the crippled any favors; I agree with that but it was just words. It’s not like I went out on a rampage pushing paraplegics out of their wheelchairs or went number 2 on Christopher Reeve’s grave. I put a joke on the internet. If you don’t like it, don’t read it, but realize that being offended is pointless and reflects ignorance. If you were offended last week, take a good look in the mirror. Have you never said anything controversial? I’m actually offended now that I’m thinking about it. If you’re so offended, why aren’t you out there helping the handicapped instead of reading Gator message boards? You make me sick.And so do the polls. It is seriously worse than usual this year. I was watching the Tony Barnhart Show (really good btw) on CBS’s college sports network and he was also very peeved with the current state of things. I originally wrote out my top 10 reasons why the polls are garbage but I decided I didn’t want to preach so much. You get it; most Americans are borderline retarded or on drugs and this includes the coaches and media members voting for college football’s best teams. I’ll give you the Mike Price version (This means abbreviated, like Mike Price’s coaching career at Alabama; google the story to read about a true class act).
Someone knows the exit number for Micanopy.
The SEC gets too much credit in the top 25. LSU and Ole Miss are clearly not elite teams so why were they ever treated as such?
Quit ranking the garbage teams so high. Yes this is Boise State, and BYU and so on and so forth. And while you’re still loving these POS programs, why won’t you give Cincinnati any love?
Why do you rank teams behind teams they have handedly beaten? Penn State is ahead of Iowa and Cal is ahead of Oregon; what the F is wrong with the world? Quit ranking USC because of their name. They’re not good this year; in 2006 the voters jumped USC ahead of the Gators for no apparent reason when they beat Cal by 14 points and UF rolled over Western Carolina. This put them in position to cruise their way into the national title game had they not lost in the final week of the year. 
So the TV show Dexter is back; thank God. If you don’t know about the character of Dexter, he’s basically a good-doing serial killer with quick wits. This show really will make you reanalyze your beliefs on what is right and what is wrong. As I was watching this week’s episode I started wondering who else could be a serial killer. They could blend in anywhere, and even among college football’s elite. Could there be serial killers in college football?
Straight out the gate I could tell you who definitely would not fit the bill. 
Due to the deafening the volume of their heavy breathing, Mark Mangino and Charlie Weiss couldn’t do it. They couldn’t sneak up on a guy cutting the grass. Plus the high level of physical activity required to walk into and out of buildings in order to kill people would be out of the question for these two. Now I’ve probably offended these two coaches. I’m sorry guys. I’ll buy each of you a case of Moonpies and that should turn your frowns upside down. For the record, both of those frowns are parked right on top of 5 to 6 chins. Just saying.
Frank Beamer couldn’t do it based suspicion. Sorry man, but that skin graft/butt face/whatever it is would be a dead giveaway. Who’s the killer? I don’t know, but let’s question Butt Face.
Bobby Bowden would be one we wouldn’t suspect but he’d definitely get caught and serial murder isn’t an offense you can pin on your players.
You’d probably guess that there is no way I’d ever even mention Tim Tebow on this list. There’s no way he’d ever end up on this list. He’s a religious fanatic; that’s never been the reason for any sort of murder in the past…
There’s no way Lou Holtz would ever be in this category either
but he would have a great motive. Motivation would be his motive. His speeches are legendary and he expects excellence. What if his players don’t deliver? “Boys, tomorrow, we’re going to beat Penn State. Do you know why? Because if we don’t, I’m going to murder each and every one of you.”
Lee Corso would probably be too old but how awesome would it be to see him sneak up one someone with a knife and say, “Not so fast, my friend.”
I think we all know who would be the perfect killing machine. Urban Meyer. He's like a great white shark with a headset. A guy who can get the spread option to work in the SEC is definitely calculated and borderline diabolical. He’s the type of guy who likes to savor things and prolong agony. He called a timeout at the end of the Georgia game last year to make it last just a little while longer.
So that brings us to this week’s game. Oh wait there is no game. Usually this is the worst week out of my year but somehow this week is perfect. This is the one week we actually needed a bye. Teebs is injured and needs a rest and so it was granted by the college football gods. This could go down in history with other lucky breaks that resulted in national titles. There was that infamous kick Nebraska had against Missouri in 1997 and then there was that lucky break where Bobby Bowden reinstated Peter Warrick after he received all of that stolen merchandise from Dillards in 1999. Sometimes a team just needs to catch a few lucky breaks. If we do end up going undefeated and win our 4th national title, this bye week will be one of many signs of why this was a team of destiny.
Random Thoughts of the Week
Saturday I’m going to tell my wife that the Gator game is at 3:30. I’m going to put in a tape from 2 years ago and see if she figures it out. If she doesn’t, I’m going to file for divorce.
Thursday night football is bush league. If your team plays on Thursday nights, you are not elite. You’re doing what you can to get noticed; I get it and so do the brave men who try to break into the adult film industry. These guys don’t just get to show up for their first day of work and share the screen with a beautiful lady. They have to pay their dues and slay their way through the bottom. The bottom being dudes. Thursday night football: football for dudes!
Must Watch Web
Tim Tebow’s not the only one who got a concussion this weekend. I’m such an NBC homer.
Fact of the Week
My wife doesn’t know that it’s a bye week.
Weekend Football Forecast
Slap in the face pick of the week: Indiana over Ohio State. OSU, I don’t like you on the road at Indiana. I also don’t like your face. You’re suspect and if your QB is legitimately good, then Chris Leak was the best quarterback to ever play football. Before, you could at least rip through your conference but ever since the Gators exposed you in the 06 title game, it’s all been down hill. 1 loss in 06, 2 in 07, 3 in 08 and I’m guessing 4 this year.
Last week’s record: 6-4 including the Gator Game
Picks: UGA over LSU, BC over FSU, Miss St. over GT (must win for State), Tenn over Auburn, Cal over USC, Oklahoma over Miami, Washington over ND, Vandy over Ole Miss, and Syracuse over USF in your standard hiccup game. A grown man made these picks.
Season Record: 25-15
Current Championship Predictions:
BCS/SEC: Florida
ACC: VT
Big East: Cincinnati
Big 10: Ohio State
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: USC
BCS Buster: Notre Dame and Boise State
If you have any questions, comments, or hate mail, please email me at VoiceoftheGators@gmail.com. I want to get a fan mail segment going so please drop a line.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Voiceofthegator
You’ll get an update every time a new blog is up or when another FSU player tries to stomp on a Gator quarterback’s hand during a blowout loss. Until next time, go Gators!
The Voice of the Gators
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